We had connected. We were friends. Or so I thought. Really, I was just simply trying to enjoy the relationship we had and not put any pressure on it, no expectations.
I did NOT start picking out china and flatware patterns.
I did NOT practice writing his last name after my first name.
I did NOT calendar my ovulation cycle, nor did I Google sites for baby names or bridal wear.
I was just trying to build a friendship, a solid base. And I thought he was in this with me. Until he suddenly backed away. No more having a laugh, no more friendly chats, though he does lower himself to greeting me when we make eye contact and I still catch him watching me when I pass by him.
Instead of building a friendship with him, I’ve started to feel like I was forcing one on him. That makes me feel gross and pathetic. I just don’t understand why one day we’re buddies and the next day I’m some disease to be avoided at any cost. I try to think what I might have done wrong, but I can’t find anything…I was friendly but not clingy.
I don’t understand this. And it breaks my heart.
