ac_195 is lovin' life.
live passionately (read all 7 entries…)
wanting....confused...wondering...exploring... — 1 year ago
What is it with me creating art?
It CONSUMES me and engulfs me like a fire. I just soak it in and work like a f-ing manic. I get so high while doing it…like I’m so hungry for it. I don’t understand it! I just don’t get it.
It’s this way with me when watching someone who enjoys something as well. Like my passionate entry-it makes me…i don’t know. It’s as if i fall in love with them briefly. It’s really beautiful…you know?
But, back to my original question…just spending hours and hours working on projects isn’t good. I mean, i LOVE it…it brings so much joy to my heart and makes me so happy…but i block out everything else.
You see, this afternoon, i came into the house so euphoric and begun discussing with my family what I’ve created. And they weren’t amused…nor happy. I just wish i would’ve shut up then.
But when i went to get on the computer to vector my drawings on Adobe Illustrator, they told me that i was selfish. And that i needed to stop being to myself all of the time. And…that…didn’t feel good.
I know, it doesn’t matter, but they don’t…like what i do.
They then told me that there’s no field for graphic designers. And told me about some guy who went into the field and couldn’t find a job. Then he went to go work for his father…which is essentially what they want me to do; work for my father as a secretary.
I don’t want to. I want to create art. And enjoy the high i get from creating it everyday. I just…love it so much and it makes me so happy…gosh it just makes me so happy that that’s all i want to do for the rest of my life.
But it’s selfish to think that. I I I I me, me, me, me. Stop being so selfish. (But it makes me so happy…my professors say i have a gift) Stop coming in, staying 8 and 9 hours away doing art and being with friends. (but it feels so good to be with people who accept me and do the things i like to do. I’m 21…i can think for myself…right?) Stop focusing on yourself. (Please…let me do what i love to do…)
Okay. Next week, I’ll look for other majors…real majors…I just will do what they want me to do.
