A few weeks after this post, Michael left his wife. He has not used that change as an opportunity to come closer to me. In fact, he has instead strung me along with even less support than before.

He has begged me to be there for him and then discarded me over and over again over the past nine months. It has been torture.

I can’t move forward as long as there is the possibility that he will come back to me. I know that I can not open my heart to anyone else. One guy that I emailed with a while ago asked the right question. He asked me what I would do if Michael came back again. The answer is still that I would drop anything (anyone) else in my life and accept him with open arms.

I was ready to move on. I really was. But once he really left his wife the excuse of not being together so that he could be with his children went away. I don’t have anything to hold on to now that would give me the strength to accept a world in which we did not end up together.

Even though Michael is unable to commit anything past the next five minutes with me, he continues to be the driving force in my life. At this point, we have almost no contact wtih the exception that he messages me about once a week with random comments.

I had accepted that he wanted to stay to be with his children and that let me find inner peace. Now my life is just a personal hell.