I want to be Healthier, mentally, spiritally, and last but not least physically. I will never ever be thin and I’m okay with that but I need to be healthy for my family!! And for myself. I’ve tried before I mean truely tried it wasn’t half hearted in the least I busted my ass!! I can do it again! I think about walking why because my knees don’t work well I look at others and how they get up without a thought, something I’ve not done in years, and I envy them. Among the things my parents warned me about when gaining weight should have been, the pain, the hurt you feel when people look at you as no longer human. The pity that is almost as bad because I really screwed up and did this to myself. I tried to embrace this and say that I was still beautiful, and don’t miss understand me I am a beautiful person inside and out. I just don’t like the outer, and lets face it I have to live with me. And me hurts inside and out!!!