Well, I dont cry that often. I dont think anyone has seen me cry in public (or even in private) more than twice. But I cry over the smallest things. when no one is looking. I don’t know if its from depression. Im not diagnosed with depression but then again, no one knows anything about me and I’ve refused to go to psychologists.
My problem with crying is that its usually not altrustic. the cause is something completely selfcentered. a feeling of indignation that has no right to exist. And I tend to get very violent when I start. The unlucky people who has caused the crying fits have seen me threaten to kill with a knife and then proceed in cutting the car seats apart or jumping out the window. It’s dangerous. I can’t stop. At least it only happens rarely. I’m usually not as violent when alone. I’d go run and climb and sit on a tree but that also scares me afterwards because I realize that while on the tree, I’m semi suicidal. (I’m incredibly good at climbing trees. When I’m crying, I usually go all the way to the top. I also completely disregard teh surroundings which is dangerous, especially when treeclimbing.
this all started 2 years ago. family problems. I’m just trying to forget but it comes up so often! Am I doomed to be a self pitying worthless peice of shit? and sometimes, i cry for no reason at all!