KabitaG

Survive my husband's cheating
Divorce? Separation? 2 years ago

January 2006 I discovered my husband had been seeing a much younger model for 9 months. It took a couple of months of couple counselling, life coaching, buddhism classes etc to recover my sense of self esteem. Husband continually supportive of my “personal growth and self development”. Then found out December 2006 that he had continued to cheat, lie and deceive by seeing her again! Ok, this time it didn’t hurt half as much, but I seem to lack the strength to convict him and start a new life on my own. Please help.

Feb 22, 2007, 12:31PM PST | 14 cheers


Comments:

next page →

c'est moi

I wanna cheer everything you write. You’re a trooper! The decluttering will really help. Oooh, I’m excited for you and the footprints your new shoes can make.

Feb 22, 2007, 12:38PM PST | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

KabitaG

Thank you so much

I’m tearful now. It really helps to know that people do really care and can help, all across the world. I will calm the storm and keep faith, positive.

Feb 22, 2007, 12:42PM PST | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

c'est moi

Do you have the book Archangels and Ascended Masters by Doreen Virtue? There are a few calls for healing and guidance in seperation/divorce. I could write it out if you would like. Maybe that would be helpful now. I noticed that you want to learn about angels too.

Feb 22, 2007, 12:45PM PST | Thread | Respond to this

KabitaG

Book on Archangels and Ascended Masters

Hello rhondala, thank you for your advice. Would love it if you could write out the healing/guidance on divorce from the above book. Will look it up on Amazon anyway. Am keen to learn about more spiritual things right now. Thank you , and all best wishes

Feb 22, 2007, 04:22PM PST | Thread | Respond to this

c'est moi

Help!

It doesn’t list an angel but rather the goddess’ Isolt and Damara plus Mother Mary.

Isolt is a ray that you can call upon and sprinkle like sugar on any occasion. She has playful, genuine, and deep compassion, and all-consuming love energy.

Damara helps with decisions about divorce as well as guiding and healing children, abundance esp for household items and manifestation for household needs. Call upon her if you need intervention with anyone that you’re living with. (I’m not sure if you’re living together so I’ll include it if only for future calling. And it might still work given the history).

Here’s the invocation:

“Damara, I need your help right away, please! I ask that you go to {name of person} and discuss my desire for peace and harmony. Please let _ know that I’m a loving person with good intentions. Please help __ to drop all judgements about me, and for me to do the same. In turn, Damara, I ask that you fill our home with so much love that nothing else can exist. When anyone enters this home, they’re healed. I’m so grateful for this intervention, Damara.”

They both help with passion and attracting romantic love. The book writes more about the love bits than healing.

Call upon Mother Mary for healing of all kinds plus mercy using this invocation:

“Beloved Mary, Queen of the Angels and Mother of Jesus, I ask for your help. {Describe the issue}. Thank you for showering this situation with your blessings and giving me insight , so I may learn and grow from this experience. Thank you for showing me God’s will so that we may all have peace.”

There are lots of other helpers for healing in general. I hope this helps for now.

Peace, blessings, love to you and anyone else in that situation.

Mar 11, 2007, 11:31AM PDT | Respond to this

funniculee is dredging up old memories of past literary loves

(((I'm sorry)))

That is rough. I have no advice per se, but I want you to know that I’ll be thinking of you. And I also know that this too shall pass, and you will be polished by these rough waves, like a lovely smoothed stone.

Feb 22, 2007, 09:11PM PST | Thread | Respond to this

KabitaG

Thank you

for cheering me, thinking of me and your lovely supportive words and encouragement. I hope too that this storm will pass, even if I have to calm it myself. :-) Warm wishes

Feb 23, 2007, 02:07AM PST | Respond to this

Douglas

I am so sorry

that your husband is so clueless. You deserve better. I believe being honest is the only hope for a successful relatrionship. Without honesty anything else you may have doesn’t matter.

I suggest the book Truth in Dating by Susan M Campbell. Its not just about dating, though that is its focus. It applies to all stages of a relationship. Its the best book I have read in decades.

I wish you well in the coming months while you are dealing with the situation.

Feb 23, 2007, 01:10PM PST | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

KabitaG

Honesty is the only policy...

Thank you for your supportive and encouraging words of wisdom. I too believe honesty is fundamental to any relationship. I have already looked at the book you recommend on Amazon (having read your 43things and been inspired), but have to say I’m not sure I’m ready for such a read just yet. I’m deeply into the healing phase, and hope that I can move on to new friendships and relationships in time. I think I will put the book on my wishlist to order after I’ve sold this house and moved to a smaller place. (less packing etc :-)) Warm wishes

Feb 23, 2007, 01:21PM PST | Respond to this

oye vey is exiting retrograde

so easy to give advise

It would be so easy for me to write here that you should tell him to go to hell and allow yourself a partner (or a period of solitude) that treats you respectfully and lovingly.

It’s easy for me to say this, it is an over-simplification of your situation, I know.

But at the same time, this is what I would hope my friends would tell me if I were in your shoes.

Treat yourself lovingly!

Feb 23, 2007, 01:17PM PST | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers

KabitaG

All advice welcome!

Really do wish that i could tell him to go to hell, but after 21 years of a very loving and rewarding relationship just couldn’t do it. Still wish somehow I could turn the clock back and prevent what happened, but the benefit of hindsight is not quite that powerful! I do have friends who have been very shocked and angry and dismayed at my “weak-willed” response, but we are all different, part of life’s rich tapestry eh. I guess to treat myself lovingly is the way forward and rather than cry for what I’ve lost, rejoice that I once had a wonderful, real love.

Feb 23, 2007, 01:36PM PST | Respond to this

(This comment was deleted.)

Mar 10, 2007, 11:04AM PST

KabitaG

Thank you...

for your supportive words. I was told by my counsellor that to be selfish is a good thing and I had never really believed that before…..... Never been very religious but am finding praying really helps right now. Going to sing with the gospel choir too, really lovely experiences…...

Mar 10, 2007, 12:28PM PST | Thread | Respond to this

selmerlin

Fundamentally

It has happened once it will happen again. This has already been proved.

Mar 10, 2007, 12:36PM PST | Respond to this 1 cheer

CropTillDawn~ Trix are for kids!!!

I wanted to comment

on this older post.First off you look great in your avatar picture, and doing things for yourself that make you happy is one of the best things that you can do. You mentioned your Son and taking care of the two of you right now is the most important thing. I notice you keep complementing your “husband” on what a wonderful person he was and how much the two of you had been through, and that is so nice to hear especially when kids are involved. But the bottom line is that he needs to be held responsible for breaking the vows and ending your marriage. So please don’t try to make him not sound like “the bad guy”. I’m sorry I just reread this and I just want to say keep that focus on doing wonderful things that are fun and full of a bright future for you and your Son :)

May 12, 2007, 08:37PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

KabitaG

Wow, you really bowled me over

with your straight talking. Thank you, its just what I need. I’m not sure what holds me back from holding my husband responsible for his actions. Possibly a combination of my low self esteem and immaturity, I’m not sure. But I couldn’t agree more with your comments, I really wish I could be more assertive at times. I have just finished the book “Truth in Dating”, the final chapter of which covers honesty in separation and how to talk about whats gone wrong in a relationship. I really have to think hard about this and pluck up courage to discuss this with my husband, hopefully making headway to “closure”....

May 13, 2007, 09:52AM PDT | Respond to this

ashf8ful is working

Leave him

So it has happened twice (that you found out he was cheating). He knew that it upset you and he still continued to do it. Be strong and leave the bastird. You know he will do it again.

Mar 13, 2007, 03:16PM PDT | Respond to this 1 cheer

mysti_girl001

so, are you separated? if you are, good for you. if he did it once, he deserved a second chance if you really loved him. but when he did it again, he diddn’t deserve another chance. just forget him. it will take time and healing, but just take your mind off it. take on a hobby or something. whatever you do, just don’t get depressed and don’t go back to him. you deserve better than that bastard.

Mar 15, 2007, 03:01PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

KabitaG

yes, we are

separated. I just sold the house yesterday, now busy looking for a place myself. Its difficult to put what happened behind me but I am determined to be positive and not give him a 3rd chance. Thanks for the support and I love the pic…..... warm wishes to you and good luck with your 43 or so things…

Mar 15, 2007, 03:12PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 3 cheers

mysti_girl001

yourwelcome

and thanks. i hope it all works out well. i wish i could help in some way, but i can only help with words. stay in touch?

Mar 16, 2007, 01:12PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

KabitaG

Words are wonderful

and yes I will stay in touch. Today I have made further progress and bought a small house for my son and I to move into hopefully in a couple of months time when all the legalities are complete. Keep well

Mar 16, 2007, 03:42PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

mysti_girl001

how ya doin?

Mar 21, 2007, 01:23PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

hurting... - KabitaG
i don't know what it is about guys, - mysti_girl001
Clueless - - KabitaG
Kabita,I'm sorry for the heartache - Zara
OOOhhh Normal - KabitaG
are you a poet? - mysti_girl001
Hey mysti girl - KabitaG
kabita is a beatiful name... - mysti_girl001
(This comment was deleted.)

Mar 23, 2007, 10:32PM PDT

(This comment was deleted.)

Mar 27, 2007, 01:35PM PDT

(This comment was deleted.)

Mar 27, 2007, 01:35PM PDT

Happy Phantom is just relaxing

I know it's been a while since you posted

But I just read this. How’s it going? I know that every person is different and you should not beat yourself up for not leaving. There are plenty of people who stick around when they know their partner is cheating.

You can’t choose who you love.

I hope you figure this one out and do what is best for you and your family. It may be the most difficult path, but I think leaving or staying is just as difficult. One is a known and one is an unknown, which make leaving scarier.

Hang in there…

Apr 09, 2007, 06:48PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

KabitaG

Hanging in there, just :-)))

Its so VERY hard sometimes. When we do spend time together it can be like old times and I can forget about the cheating etc. I know he has so much love to give and so do I. BUT I realise that I cannot go back now. Actually I dont want to go back – I am moving forward and learning so much about life and relationships. If I could have one wish it would be to remain good friends with my husband and still be able to meet up. But I think we have a lot to get through first, house sale, move into smaller place with my son, get a job and make new friends. The irony of all this is that I’m so much more prepared (I think) to accept that people lie for good reasons and this is something I’m continuing to explore and work on understanding more deeply. Having said that I am currently reading “Truth in Dating”, the concept of which is total honesty from the outset, interesting dichotomy eh…

Apr 10, 2007, 06:44AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

Happy Phantom is just relaxing

You go girl!

I know it is tough. But watching the horizon will get you where you need to be. You clearly have a grasp of reality and an understanding of life. More than most have going into such a situation. It is rare to be able to have empathy at times like that. Yet your goodness shines through.

Awesome.

Apr 10, 2007, 06:11PM PDT | Respond to this

Christine had the most wonderful day at Penny and Tom's farm :)

Be your own best friend.

I just surfed through 43 things and read some of your goals. I hope I am not intruding…

Sorry to hear about this terrible husband of yours. He has truly failed you and your marriage. Your entries show so much willingness to improve and change and make the world a more wonderful place.

You’re such a strong woman I hope that I or my children (to come) will be doing the right thing if it ever comes to the crunch. You’re setting a great example and I wish you all the best.

Apr 10, 2007, 09:59AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

KabitaG

Oh, you're absolutely not intruding, just the opposite

i love that you have posted your comment. I really like the idea of being my own best friend. I do have to say though, that I’m not sure I’d call my husband terrible. For 20 years he was the most loving, loyal, special friend I could wish for. And the point is he hasn’t really changed that much, but he is really sharing his love around if that makes any sense. Yes, I’m jealous of that, but only because we agreed to a faithful, monogamous relationship. This is a hard lesson to learn, that we are all truly very loving people and why should we place “restrictions” on that ability to love? My husband has given me the opportunity to learn so much more about the wonderfully special world we live in. Thank you for giving me extra support and strength and I wish you all the best in your life. With love and joy

Apr 10, 2007, 02:37PM PDT | Respond to this 1 cheer

mysti_girl001

how is this goal coming along? i have been cheering and hoping for you. i even said a prayer for all those women out there going through things like you are.

Apr 12, 2007, 02:48PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

KabitaG

Hi mystigirl,

yes this goals becoming easier every day, some days are tough of course, but i’m learning so much about our emotions throughout. Thank you so much for your prayers. Keep well xxx

Apr 14, 2007, 02:00PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

(This comment was deleted.)

Apr 25, 2007, 06:41AM PDT

gorillagal3 Life is Good. (if i keep saying it, i might believe it)

honey

you are still young and beautiful. kick him to the curb and move on! i know it hurts, i have been there too. tigers don’t change their stripes, and cheaters don’t stop cheating. you deserve so much better, and there is alot better out there.big hugs

Apr 26, 2007, 08:38PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

KabitaG

Your comments

are really appreciated, thank you so much. I am trying hard to move on, just my strength deserts me sometimes. It is very encouraging to read comments such as yours. Hugs for you too xxx

May 07, 2007, 12:49PM PDT | Respond to this

zz011

I think you are very courageous. I hope you get through this well, and find You there.

May 08, 2007, 02:24PM PDT | Respond to this

Mc Huggs thinks Hauki's new Red Hair style is gorgeous looking! http://www.43things.com/entries/view/2427018

You have great courage...

I just read some of your goals and comments, you have shown great strength.

My first marriage my wife cheated on me, only after less than 2 years. I was shocked and she would not admit to it when I asked her. I came home one day and knocked on the door.

A man’s voice answered and I almost knocked down the door. After that everything just feel apart and we sperated, I moved out and we got divorced. She had a son, and I was almost ready to finalize adopting him.

It took years of therapy, counseling to get over my first marriage and have been married since then. However, even though we have been together for almost ten years, we are seperated and seeking divorce. We still see each other, and stay friendly, but we can’t just live together. We never cheated on one another or lied or hurt each other, we always supported one another and I still love her as much as she loves me, and I want her to be happy.

I will say a silent prayer for you because I know you will survive this stronger than you did before. I would also like to add you to my subscribtion list because you write so beautifully and love your goals. Is this okay that I add you?

Take care,

((((((((((((huggs))))))))))))

Love,

George :)

May 09, 2007, 07:13PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

KabitaG

Thank you for this loving message

and for sharing your story. :-)))

About the subscription thingy – could you let me know how to do this and what this entails. I have tried to do this myself or see who is subscribed to me, but afraid I’m a bit of a technophobe and didn’t get very far with it.

I would like to read more of your stories and follow your goals too, so if subscribing is the answer…...

A big thank you again
Love K

May 12, 2007, 03:12PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

Mc Huggs thinks Hauki's new Red Hair style is gorgeous looking! http://www.43things.com/entries/view/2427018

Thank you

KabitaG:

What I meant to say was that I wanted to add you to my subscriber’s list by just clicking on the subscibe icon on the person’s web page.

I don’t believe that 43 things allow you to see who your subscribers are who subscribe to your own entries, something about people’s privacy. It does give you a number count of who really enjoys what you say and do each day, now I am one of those fans. If you have any other questions about 43 things and how it works I will do my best to answer them. Thank you.

((((((((((((((((huggs))))))))))))))

Love,

George :)

May 12, 2007, 04:19PM PDT | Respond to this

Pajodama is so sleepy, she wants to be home instead of waiting for her class :|

Sorry to hear. You will survive ;) HUGS

May 12, 2007, 04:02PM PDT | Respond to this


next page →

KabitaG has gotten 14 cheers on this entry.

 

I want to:

The world wants to...

get in great shape get Hannah Montanas phone number!!! get rid of all my clutter play The Sims get a better job Learn to use Adobe Illustrator Learn to play the guitar take a photo a day to document my life Afterglow wants to do something to improve myself everyday Visit every country in the world quit drinking Learn to surf learn hip-hop dance Apolonia wants to win nanowrimo 2005 stop crying so much find myself desitorrent get better at drawing watch the first season of desperate housewives become ambidextrous Make a program master the guitar go to Niagra Falls Score 10,000 Creds on The-N.com Jannike wants to Get more sleep Learn wood carving be more patient make a rpg
43 Things Login