Ok so I was thinking last night, why I binge, and why I have low self-esteem. I kept think and I found out that I force myself to binge eat and havea self-esteem problem. My mind contols everything I do. I found that out the hard way. I had to dig deep as to why this is happening though. I recovered a memory that I didn’t want to. It was when I was raped. It was a horrible. I then realized that I didn’t want to be beautiful because I will be raped and guys will only want me for one thing =/ I know it’s weird. But at least I found out and I can fix it. I am neutral on myself. I don’t hate myslef but I don’t love myself that much. Actually, I feel kinda of glad for myself. :D

I got help from my school counseler. H actually told me that I am bottling up emotions. I need to communicate more. But that’s really hard because I don’t like talking to my parents and my best friends moved away from me. Now I am up here, not fitting in at a new school since 2 years ago. No real friends to talk to at all. But I will try and find a way.