russianbuck

quit smoking pot (read all 5 entries…)
Week 4 2 years ago

Today is day 25 of my soberness and… well, this is not getting easier.
Pot used to make me lazier, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. “Lazy” for me is defined as working 40-60 hours a week while going to school full time. Right now I am on “vacation” without pot, which means that I got bored out of my mind the first two days here and I have been working 10-12 hours a day remodeling our vacation house. I am still fairly edgy and it’s not getting easier or better.
To prove the point on going nuts being busy I will give you my today’s breakdown:
9:00- Wake-up (I have been sleeping in here since I can’t go to sleep)
9:30-12-30- Organizing my “work site”, giving shit to people at Home Depot for screwing up my order, then kissing some ass at Lowes and lumber yards to get my materials located and delivered the same day (boy, I am good at that.)
12:40-2:20 Dentist appointment (one of my crowns came off)
2:40-10:00 Tearing out kitchen ceiling, putting in new trusses
10:30-now: doing some desing breakdowns, organizing my music (all 6,000++ songs, I am to a letter G now.)
It is almost 1, I won’t go to sleep till 2:30-3:00 and then be up at 8:30-9:00 doing it all over
Did I mention that I am on VACATION?
Bottom line is, I think that one of the reasons why I started to smoke so much pot is because I started to burn out from my craziness.

Of course, there is a great deal of positive things from not smoking as well. I have a clear mind, I am motivated to accomplish a lot more. I am finally getting things done on my list of “Things before I die.” I haven’t gotten a tattoo yet (to honor my late friend) because I know that I will piss quite a few people off. But I am going water skiing as soon as weather gets decent enough and I am going skydiving on Saturday (already paid for and scheduled), hopefully other things will get done as well. In a week or so I’ll be able to pass a drug test, which will be nice.
I am going back home on 23 and I know that I have a big bag of really good stuff left. It’s going to be hard not to break down and I think that there is a good chance that I’ll let myself smoke a bowl. I just don’t know… this is tough

Mar 13, 2007, 10:09PM PDT


Comments:

chickadee30

this IS tough

You would think it would get easier. But once the beginning part is over- you know- the clear head, the thinking straight-the initial good stuff, you are left with you. Just you. That is the hard part. Finding something new to focus on in those rough moments is really hard.Sometimes keeping yourself busy isn’t enough. I know because I am in that boat.
I wish I had the answer, but for everyone it’s different. For some people it it’s going to counseling. For some, it’s joining a twelve step group. For some it’s religion. I don’t know. I think there are some chat groups online for this sort of thing, other than this. With instant messaging from others. That might be helpful.
Do you find that you are resentful to someone or something? That’s part of it for me. I feel like I would be letting people down or let myself down if I did. I feel like I am a caged animal that can’t get to what I want. But yet getting back to what I want would hurt me, I know I would be mad at myself for starting again. It comes down to deciding what, in the long run, is best. Good luck in coming to your decision. Weigh the facts and decide.

Mar 19, 2007, 08:47AM PDT | Respond to this


 

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