This weekend we went to see his old band play. I actually teared up in front of my boyfriend during “our song.” It was the first time I’d stayed in the room while they played it in the past 3 years. It hit me all of a sudden that the memories were there, but I had something way better than I ever had with AD sitting right next to me, holding my hand and understanding without jealousy why I got choked up. I realized that by facing the memories and staring them down, when I turned around to walk away, they didn’t follow me.
I saw his picture the next day and there was nothing there. Not sadness, not anger, not hurt, nothing. It’s like I don’t even know him, or want to. He just doesn’t exist in my life anymore, and I’m happier for it.