I feel like I’ve spent my whole life willing those around me to “just live!” When I was little it was my father, who died. Then my grandmother, who died. Then my favorite aunt, who also died.

Tonight my brother called me. He is my oldest brother. My middle brother is dead already. Now J has COPD. Stage III. It is hard not to skip ahead, to see him as I saw my father, gasping for every breath. But just tonight we had a good conversation, things were normal, or what passes for normal.

Also this has implications for me and my children. Apparently he has the inherited gene for this. Which means I may have it too and have passed it on to my children. Which also means my doing pottery (dusty chemicals) places me at higher risk for developing this, too.

Live, damn it, just live.