I hate that I tie my weight in with feeling beautiful, but I’m still guilty of it. I’ve lost close to 20 pounds since September, without really even having a goal to lose weight. My goal was just to stop overeating, which comes somewhat easily eating dining hall food. So I’m succeeding in not overeating and the weight loss has been a side effect. I’m very nervous that I’ll gain the weight again after I graduate, and what I want is to keep the mindset of working toward good health, because I think keeping that goal will help motivate me to eat right and to be active. Like I said, my goal is to be healthy, not to care about the number on the scale, but it’s very difficult not to be swayed by it.

This all is relevant to feeling beautiful everyday because I went to the store the other day, not even planning to buy anything. I was there to kill time before an appointment, so I tried on clothes just for fun. Guess what? Miracle of miracles. Everything I tried on fit. Everything! Even the shirts I plucked out of the juniors section, and that’s a big deal because I stopped wearing junior tops probably about five years ago at least. This gave me a good boost of confidence, but it’s also not so great because I want to feel beautiful because of who I am and what I do, not because I’m down a pant size.

And also I think to myself, “why can’t I just enjoy this?” Why do I always worry about the good things in my life ending rather than enjoying them while I have them?