...I’m still pretty much I dunno… I don’t feel AS sick when I think about it, but I still get that uneasy feeling in the bottom of my stomach. I guess I’m still waiting on the right timing. I don’t wanna—I dunno. I’m so determined to at least put forth the effort. I’m—yeah I still don’t know. I have sooo much on my mind right now for no real reason. I need a vacation. I just wanna go crawl somewhere and take a nap, but there’s way too much to do which doesn’t even have anything to do with this goal specifically, but at the same time it does. My lethargy is creeping into like all areas of my life. I am growing more and more apathetic about school, I barely go to class and I haven’t finished my taxes. Theres soo much more, but out of this pile of rubbish in my mind comes this random obsession with my loved ones’ salvation. It’s really not that random when you think about it. Why wouldn’t I want them saved? What else in this entire world matters? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Everything else pales in comparison. In spite of how this entry sounds, I am relatively optimistic about the situation. I really believe that this will be done as soon as the opportunity arises. The question is do I wait or do I make an opportunity for myself. I don’t wanna move ahead of God, but I don’t wanna just sit back and do nothing and expect something to happen… I dunno
Comments:
Ok
sure… not so much. I’m not trying to save anyone- I can’t save anyone from anything, but I do hate seeing the suffering of people that I love and care for. Especially since I know there is freedom from it. I wrote this on a day when I was feeling especially overwhelmed right at that moment, but that doesn’t mean I’m “fed up with my lot.” I had a moment- I wrote, I prayed, I made it through.
I’m not trying to push some personal whatever- I’m proclaiming public truth- help that is available not just for me, but for all.
I know what makes me happy- beyond that- what has given me joy, peace beyond explanation- joy and peace that transcends even my little moments of fluster. So much so that even in those times I recognize it as the only real life-changing truth.
I’m not a Bible salesman or some televangelist- all I know is the truth I have, the joy I have, the contentment I have, the victory I have in the savior that I have. There is no one on this earth that once they have truly, truly found something like this would not want it for everyone they know and love.
So I will not move on; I will not get over it. I will keep at it until I have the proverbial balls to overcome worrying about what people will think of me or how akward it will be.
If you had the cure to cancer would you be okay or at peace with sitting back and watching the people you love die because the cure is kinda peculiar- the cure seems too simple, too silly, too akward, too whatever?
I know Christianity has been perverted by millions of people, I know it may be strange, it seems kinda silly even, but the reality of the fact is that it is the cure. And how dare I sit on that, how dare I be ashamed, how dare I shy away from any chance to proclaim Jesus Christ, the cure…
