So hard is not so bad. Hard helps you filter your feelings more consciously. :)

I like that! You are so right!

I’ve been setting some “policies” for myself. I just read an article about saying no, which often means saying yes to yourself. My policies are that first of all my cellphone is there for my benefit. Nobody else pays for it but me, so it’s there to work for me. This means that when I am having dinner, out with my husband or friends, before and after certain time of day…it’s either off, or I don’t answer it. I have friends that if I don’t answer the phone they immediately call my husband. The other day one lady from my church called me 6 times until I answered. I shouldn’t have answered! but I thought it may have been an emergency, it wasn’t. I tell my friends to leave a message, I do check them often. I prefer to check messages to being constantly interrupted at work or life in general. Not everybody likes it. I am firm, but not mean. I would at times like to ask them if they would pay for my phonebill so that it works for them!! hehe…my mean streak!

The friend moved in with her and my son. In the end that friend became very dependent on my daughter, and when my daughter tried to create barriers between them the friend became abusive. In the end my daughter forced her to leave and find other accomodation. It’s taken her time to de toxify from that bad experience. None of us thought the situation would become so bad.

I’ve lived through my own dramas in life. I see that life doesn’t have to stay that way for me. I see where other people have fallen into the trap of always being the one who needs rescuing, financial assistance, pepping up cause they are in depression. I don’t mind helping if I knew the help was appreciated – but you can only help so far.

Be supportive by all means, but know when your being taken advantage of or when the problem is beyond your scope of being able to do anything about. If you find it is affecting you negatively – back away. Be prepared to tell those people exactly what you think about the way they are treating you too. Or at least make them aware that you need your space.

I know exactly what you mean. Glad you are keeping the “toxins” away. There is a couple of friends I’ve completely severed ties with. When they call or email it’s usually for something for them or a generic message not meant as friendship. My last email with one of these friends involved her trying to guilt me into going to a benefit/birthday celebration for her. Last birthday I celebrated with her, I took her out to eat and got her a gorgeous throw that she didn’t even open, just glanced at it. I have been hurt by her, time after time. This time I just politely said no and stopped emailing.
But it hurts, you know? It’s sad to see relationships end, even the bad ones. (sick, i know…lol)