I did in fact sit down at the piano and play. Starting on Thursday evening, and at least once a day since. And it’s going well.

I’m playing my old warm-up piece I used to always start with. it’s the first thing I tried to learn when I started playing piano again at 25 or 26; I was friends and perhaps lovers with this fellow who was house sitting for a professor of musicology at stanford. He had a replica harpsichord that was so beautiful. My friend sat me down at it, and got me to play. First time I’d touched keys since I gave up lessons at 12, but the instrument, the piece, was so beautiful, and my friend so kind that day, helping me gently through it once, twice, three times. (he turned out to be an ass, but that’s another story.)

Anyway, I knew this piece inside and out. I’ve played it hundreds of times, but it’s been almost 10 years since I last played it. So if I forget to try, my fingers know how to move. I just have to keep my thoughts from getting in the way.

I think this is generally going to be true with music. I’ve always been afraid to let go with any instrument but the drum. I need to trust that I do know how to shape a note, that my fingers can deftly find the notes I’m reading on the sheet, if I let them. That I can make up and follow a chord progression without difficulty if I just let my fingers play.

One step at a time, though. I’m rebuilding the strength and dexterity in my fingers, forgetting that I don’t know how to play, and letting the music start to flow.