My aunt Stephanie died on Sunday, March 25th. I have nothing personal to say right now, but a website was set up in her memory HERE. Donations can be made to the American Cancer Society through the site. There are beautiful pictures of her, and stories of her life will be posted soon. She was an amazing person, and she will never be forgotten
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I am so sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry for yours and your families loss
I looked up the website and wow what a beautiful smile! and her eyes so sparkly and friendly.
My mum passed away suddenly at 53 , it took me 2 years to answer the “why?”. Which was/is ,this is life, this is how it is. I will remember that moment of realisation so clearly for the rest of my life. I was lying in bed crying when the thought came to me and then i realised that the only guaranteed happiness i have is the happiness i create for myself in the moment.I thought “well what the fuck am i lying in bed for?” and i started to live a bit more. I had known this all along but to actually FEEL it is a different story.
There is a balance too. You know how shit things can get so you can imagine how amazing life can be too. Please allow yourself to experience all emotions, there are no rules written anywhere , no picture whose frame you have to constrict yourself within. Staying honest with your heart helps a lot more than trying to figure it out with the head which is what i usually tend to do.
I wouldn’t be who i am if she hadn’t of been my mum. The time i had with her was such a beautiful gift, i feel so grateful for all the time we had and i wouldn’t trade it for anything, i doubt my mum would trade it and i doubt your aunty would trade her time.
hmm, i’ve done a great job making this message about me haven’t i? I hope that sharing this helps you somehow. Peace and comfort to you and your family.
I feel blessed that i had such a beautiful soul for a mum and i was able to be such an important part of her life. Blessed to have a guardian angel i know so well.
you're so right..
I’m just getting to the point where i’m trying to get back into things. It’s just so hard to go about everyday life when such senseless things happen. For example, i’ve been trying to quit smoking cigarettes for the past few months. My aunt never smoked in her life, and she was one of the healthiest people i’ve ever known: a vegetarian, very physically active, etc.. In fact, she was snowboarding in Telluride about a month before she died. But despite doing everything right, she died of cancer, so why the f* should I quit smoking cigs?
I mean the answer is obvious enough.. I should value my health more. But i’m left to wonder why I should constantly be striving to be a better person when it could all be over in a month.. A car accident is one thing.. it’s unavoidable in most cases. In fact I was almost killed in an accident a few months ago. She flew out to see me in the hospital, and told me that I would see better days. Meanwhile she was dying without even knowing it. The worst part of it is that I was so high on morphine that I barely remember seeing her.
In any case, she did everything possible to make life better for herself and everyone around her, and I feel like she deserves to be here so much more than me. On a more positive note though, she’s the first person i’ve lost who’s presence I can actually feel sometimes. When I was out in the southwest last month (her home), I could actually feel her in the air. It was really hard coming home, because for some reason I can’t feel her here on the east coast.
she keeps me striving..
..even in her absence. I went out for a few weeks to help out with things, and after the service a few of her closest fam & I hiked to one of her favorite spots (to spread her ashes). It’s no everest, but at 8,000 ft it was enough to wear me out before I was even half-way up. Like I said, i’m tryin to quit smoking, and smokers def aren’t known for their endurance. I don’t smoke much, but enough to affect me at high altitude.
Anyway, I thought I was gonna suffocate, but I absolutely refused to bail on her. I’m athletic, but don’t hike very often, and this mountain was no small feat for me. Anyway, it ended up being one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. A few people wanted to give up along the way, but in the end everyone made it to the summit. My aunt Steph had a habit of inspiring people to do things they never would have thought possible.
It sounds quite hard for you at the moment but i promise you it will get better. Death can be such a negative experience but there are positive things that come from it too. There has to be otherwise it will feel pointless , you would never learn how to live around it . It is whole. It just IS. And thats the most difficult part , trying to stop fighting something that is inevitable. But in the acceptance is peace . I’m in Laos at the moment and have just finished a 10 day vipassana meditation and it was such an amzing experience. One of the most important things i learnt was to just be and not judge myself, actually, i am still learning this. Don’t be harsh on yourself , feel the anger , feel the sadness, smoke a cigarette whatever but try not to hold on to this feeling by reacting to it or judging it ( for example you could be thinking “oh, i feel so sad but i shouldn’t feel sad because i’m the one who is alive not dead , i should be feeling happy, full of life” ....bullshit. Just feel sad if you feel sad, let it be). It will all pass with time. Time truly is the greatest healer afterall. And don’t forget , just because you can’t feel her, doesn’t mean shes not there! Take care!