The biggest problem about my depression is, that I am not really in control of my feelings. Bad, depressive thoughts just come and go and I am left as an helpless observer. I can’t do anything because more and more I try to find an exit from those tortures, it just gets worse, every one effort to fight them makes three new reasons to suffer, to give up, to lose. It’s like a dragon, in place of every head that you cut off, there come three more. It’s like a poisonous flower in your head. It grows and lives its life and doesn’t care about you. It lives it’s own life.
The good news are that I will get some good money next week and I will be able to afford to take my medication again. A week or two and hopefully things will turn to better side.
Leaves me worrying about whether it’s better to live with chemically impaired brain but without depression than with depression but healthy (?) brain.
Seems like I have nothing to lose, though.
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Comments:
Angry Butterfly is stuck in neutral
I can relate
I like your visual..but it is true it feels like you get rid of one ugly head and another one appears, a sick cycle. getting back on my meds was the best thing I could have done…life seems like brand new after that. things are clearer, the clouds have parted and the sun is shining on me, its my time to live not just go through life where ever it takes me…good luck with your meds, and try to stay on them this time….I know oney is a big deal, but it’s worth any amount to feel sane.and “normal”.
Thank you very much for your reply! How long have you been on medication? What do you take?
Angry Butterfly is stuck in neutral
:)
I have been on a mood stablizer (lamictal) for over 1 1/2 years and my doc just added an anti-depressant(prozac) for almost 2 months now…..if you have any questions ask me.
comments
Sometimes I too feel deeply depressed and the thing that gets me out of it is doing something. I have many hobbies and rarely have time to spend thinking about my depression. If I stay focused on other interests, I can keep my depression at bay. The times that I’m not doing something to keep me busy, I too find myself thinking thoughts that are frightening to me. The darkness of it all can be overwhelming. Although I would say my depression is very mild compared to most.
