I totally understand what you mean about being “hopeless” if you don’T believe in things like angels. I was, after all, a believer myself. Let me explain my changing process and you’ll see that where you are almost right in believing that it makes one hopeless, it creates in fact the exact opposite.

I started having doubts and questions about these things when I was about 17 or 18, a process normal at that age. I had friends who were real believers and others who were totally non-believers. We had many great debates about gods, angels, ghosts.

When it became clear to me that I didn’t really believe in it anymore, I also realized that I couldn’t let go of the idea that there had to be something else. If not, well, what’s the reason of life? What,s the point? Who’s going to punish all thoses criminals who get away with their crimes when they die? Life can’t be that unfair if we don’t all get eve in the end?

I struggled with these internal thoughts for over a year. It was like a slow mourning process. I just couldn’t let God and his angels get away from me. I was scared of the void left by his absence. I mean, every believer will tell you they “feel” him inside them, they “feel” his love lifting them. In fact, what they feel is a very natural and yes, lifting feeling that you create yourself by believing that there’s someone out there for you. It’s exactly the same feeling as a child who knows his mother/father will get them out of trouble. It’s reassuring, it’s comforting. I was a bit lost for a while, I couldn’t let go easily.

However, I was hanging with my buddies Raphael and Vincent who were happy, normal grade a+ students, who didn’t believe and who never believed, so they didn’t feel that void. I knew that in the bottom line, the fear was holding me more than anything. I didn’t believe at all anyomre, but I couldn’t let go. But I made an effort to live with my fear. The hardest part was to come out as an atheist, to officially say out loud “I don’t believe in this anymore”. It was like taking a very high plundge into the dark.

You are right until that point. That’s where it changes.

When you “become” a non-believer, when you say it out loud, when you accept to live without these beliefs “protecting” you, you feel a bit naked for a few moments. But then, the most uplifting feeling comes over you : you realize, you feel, you understand, that all you ever did, all you’ll ever do, all that will ever happen to you, is your responsability, your choice. It’s not a “test” by God, it’s not God helping you, it you and you alone that makes it happen. Of course, we are not alone, there are billions of other humans and other factors around us, chance plays a part, but when you dojn’t believe in God, angels and such, you can’t feel sorry for yourself, you have to take charge, you have to get in power of your life.

When I succeed, I don’t thank God for his help, I thank myself, becaus eI made the efforts to succeed, I placed myself in a position where I could do it and I surrounded myself with people who would help me do it. When I fail, I don’t think to myself that God has a plan and that this failure is part of it, I analyse the facts and I try to understand what I did wrong.

As for the unfairness of life, yes, it’s unfair. Boo-hoo. Live with it, I say to myself. Try harder if you are not born under the best star. People have it harder than me all around the globe. Why think about those who are wealthy and who succeed at everything? Make yourself a good enjoyable life.

What about good or bad? Criminals unpunished? Well, you have to make your best to be a decent person, we all live with ourselves first and foremost. If these criminals are at peace with themselves, what can I do about it? I certainly won’t believe in a god only to make sure my thist for justice will be quenched some way or another! I am trying hard to be a model citizen, I help others, I’m a good person. If the judicial system isn’t perfect, it’s still good enough for me to feel secure in the streets. No need for the Final Judgement.

So you can see I’m not hopeless in any way. When Raphael died 5 years ago (hit by a car), I was angry. I knew he wouldn’t be able to talk to me from “heaven” or anything. I was very sad, needless to say, but it happens. You go on with your life. Knowing that he was safe with the angels wouldn’t bring him back to me. And thinking that I wold meet him back in the after life is not doing it for me. I mean, if there was truly an after life, I’m sure the bonds we create here on Earth would not mather very much in heavens, we’d be above such trivial things. But anyways, no, I don’t feel any hopelessness. I feel, au contraire, that I must truly enjoy my life, day after day, because each passing day may be my last and instead of seeing it the negative way (oh no, there’s no point, we’re all gonna die and nothing matters anyway), I see it the positive way (life is great! Let’s get the most out of it while I can!)

As for other feelings, you are mixing beliefs and feelings, which are separate and very different things. I do believe in Love, but Love is what you want it to be. It can be total and last a lifetime, it can be very easily come and gone, it can be platonic or sexual, but most of all, Love is what you feel inside. So yes, feelings are real, just as the feeling of believing in god is real, which doesn’t make god real. Know what I mean?

Peace!