I had to spend some time in organized therapy to accomplish this goal. (did I put this down as a “I HAVE DONE THIS”?). The abandonment, the abuse (emotional, physical, etc etc etc etc, et al) the years of hard living. well…here’s my conclusion after all those years of hard work. I can do one of a few things..I can 1.)harbor anger, guilt, fear, and CONTINUE to allow them to make decisions for me (whether or not they are aware of it);2.) I can Get in control of my life, take back my will, my control, MY WORLD;3.) or I can sit in a corner simpering. Well, I’ve done all three at some point. I think I went in 3-1-2 order with some dancing back and forth for awhile.

I just want my life. MY LIFE. So, I took it. Can I tell you my mother didn’t speak to me for 6 months? She said I ruined her life (is that a scream or what?). Blah, blah, blah. I just keep swimming swimming swimming, just keep swimming.

And, it felt great!