I will find you when you do not expect it.
I will enter your life when you’re least ready for me.
I will linger and make you ill.
You have no clue I am here.
The foods you once loved, I will make you disdain the thought of them.
The pure air you once breathed, I will make you sensitive to every scent and rebuke each.
I will make your waist-line grow at a remarkable rate.
I will allow you to fit into those skinny jeans no longer.
Foods you loathe and cannot stand, I will make appetizing-even an obsession.
Tight little Ts will become super tight Ts after I’ve had my way with you.
I will cause you to desire strange people, strange things and to want those strange people at the strangest hour.
I will make your hair grow at a supernatural rate.
You will shave your legs and the hair will grow back before you leave the tub, thanks to me.
I will make you fart.
I will make you vomit when you’re far from a bathroom.
I will make your boobs become the size of mountains and they will hurt.
I will force you to sleep with one pillow between your legs, one pillow against your back and another pillow under your head.
I am going to make you forget simple things…..such as a synonym for good.
I will make you stink.
You will have nightmares and strange dreams every night because of me.

See you in nine months,

Your new baby

P.S. I will bring you the most happiness you will ever imagine and you will learn to love others more than yourself.