melb100 lives in edinburgh!
and a woman, people often ask me:
“How tall are you?”
Recently I have started responding, to the English speakers at least,
“How tall was Jesus?”, and then nodding sagely.
Hilarious. Highly recommended.I imagine this would work in most other cases of irritating questioning, too.“How much do you weigh?”
“How much did Jesus weigh?”
“How old are you?”
“How old was Jesus?”
“What shoe size are you?”
“What shoe size was Jesus?”
Unless you’re in a shoe shop at the time, in which case such a response is likely to lead to awkward pauses amongst the sales staff
“Do you mind if I smoke?”
“Does Jesus mind if you smoke?”
“Do you come here often?”
“Does Jesus come here often?”
“Can I come in?”
“Can Jesus come in?”
“Do you floss?”
“Did Jesus floss?”
“What’s your inner thigh measurement?”
“What was Jesus’ inner thigh measurement?”
“Who will you vote for?”
“Who would Jesus vote for?”
and so on and so forth.
