I am sick of thinking/talking/crying/ I am sick of this! I was thinking that we were doing the Mature thing by continuing to talk which to a point I still think was good. But…now everything is really on the table, we both know how the other feels. I am feeling like I am definitely Too available to him. Each time we talk he stll shares all his normal life things…we dn’t just talk about us..he tells me the latest about his work, kids, etc… Sooooo if we are broken up by his choice, Why should he still have me to talk to??? I think I will ask him not to call anymore for awhile. I am trying to approach this like a grown up. On the one hand, he ended what was supposed to be a lifetime relationship me so I obviously owe him nothing. On the other hand, we are over 40 and we were that close so it seemed silly not to talk. I dont want to be just friends so if anything else is to happen in the future, I can’t be there for him anymore. He needs to really miss me and he won’t if I am still always there. Plus the old “if you love someone set them free…if they come back it was meant to be, if they don’t they were never yours in the first place.

I also need to stay busier than I have been. Too much time = too much thinking. But when I feel depressed it is hard to get out there. I can walk for what feels like miles…I feel good doing that but I want to be around other people which I can’t do with red rimmed eyes. I had a good day yesterday then when evening hits…there I go, missing him.

Fake it till ya make it I guess.