I have been married to my husband for almost 23 years, but it wasn’t until recently that I realized exactly what you are saying here. My husband lives in a very dark world – he was physically and mentally abused his entire life by his father. Because of this, his thinking is very screwed up regarding life and relationships and the right way to do things. For 23 years, I have been trying to tell him that his thinking is wrong – imagine how terrible I felt when I came to the realization that all that pushing I did all those years to change his way of thinking did nothing but makes things worse – even though I really wanted to make them better. He needs to think for himself. He has been going to counseling for years and still does. If I don’t let him think for himself, no matter how dark his thoughts may be, he will never be able to realize in his own mind how different and happy life could be if HE changes his way of thinking on his own.