yeah i’m a lot better now socially in general, although more often than not i still feel v. awkward, esp. around people who know i’m already quiet. i find it much easier to fake, and consequently be, confident around strangers or people who haven’t known me long enough to form an opinion of me yet, as i see it as a clean slate and therefore i can play the “confident” role (of course i’m still somewhat shy but they have little idea of just HOW shy lol)..it’s around people who already know me as somewhat socially impaired and quiet, that i find it hard to be more confident, as around them i can’t “put on an act”- i feel they are constantly judging me and therefore i get more and more self-conscious, and end up saying very little.
the eye contact thing- you’re right, it is such a basic social gesture that can make a huge difference in how people perceieve you, and when i can’t bring myself to do it i feel as if i am being seen as shifty, unfriendly or disinterested (as that’s what i generally think of when people act like that around me) but i just find it..intimdating, idk why. i mean you’re right about the whole caveman thing- i’m always worried about getting the wrong reaction from someone, and because i can’t stand up for myself at all physically (or verbally, for that matter) it’s a defense mechanism not to look them in the eyes. i usually find now that if someone makes eye contact with me first, and i can relax around them, i’m fine, it’s just making that initial eye contact with someone that i find scary..also this sounds kind of stupid but if i “like” someone a lot, i worry about not being able to break eye contact after holding it for a few seconds, and it turning awkward, so i can’t look at them directly. i’m sure this is one of the reasons why relationships, for me are non-existant. but anyway thanks for your advice! i suscribed to you so i’m supporting your goals too :)