Recent text messages in my inbox from different people:

I had an Optimator in Germany in your Honor.

You still breathing?

I am in New York for the weekend. Yippe! Blow it out your rectum.

You are like a bad rash that will not go away, but yet so enjoyable that you want to stay infected.

Driving Home.. Want a Jager Bomb

Everyday I am proud of you.

I’m not going to make it today.. I gotta say goodbye to my dad. (his dad died hours later)