I think I might be grumpy! I don’t know where it came from, because nothing bad or even unusually annoying has happened this morning. Yet I am SO pissy… I’ve been at work for just over an hour, and I’ve already cut my boss off in mid-sentence, opting to walk out of his office before he stammered out the last of his mind-numbingly unnecessary sentence; AND I’ve yelled at one of the assessors who has such a chronic problem with verbal diarrhea, not to mention his VERY LOUD, BOOMING VOICE, that I can’t get a word in edge-wise if I don’t get right in his face. I also had to endure a phone call with a woman who is the personified antithesis of word economy – at least with her I was able to just hold the phone away from my ear, roll my eyes repeatedly and let out several sighs of exasperation.
So… I think I can expect a crappy day. And yet… now that I’m alone in my office, door closed, everybody quaking and cowering in their respective corners while I indulge in my first of many daily 43T check-ins, I feel fine!! I’m not grumpy, heck, I’m not even irritable!! I’m thirsty. That’s about it.
Hm. Maybe my headband is too tight this morning.
Regardless, I’m glad for two things – one, that I’m not going to try to figure this out. It’s enough that I’ve recognized and accepted that I’m feeling this way; and two, that I caught myself before I got too far into the usual “I’m such a terrible person for getting annoyed and for showing it” routine.
There’s still part of me feeling tremendously guilty for being a bitch, but another part of me is proud, in a way, for having been really and truly responsive to the annoyances I encountered with each of these folks. Dammit, I may be a bitch, but I’m just as entitled to be a bitch as they are to be irritating personalities, right? (you don’t have to answer that :o)
That said, I don’t want to be a bitch, and I don’t want to hurt people who are, like me, just going about their merry ways being their own precious imperfect selves. But I think it’s a good sign that “the real me”, regardless of how ugly, can still find her way to the surface and be real.
I guess if I have to be a bitch sometimes, I’m glad I’m a REAL bitch! :oP