My younger brother is 52, three years younger than me, so we were pretty close as kids, despite our father’s attempts to set us off as rivals in sports, academics, and for his affection. Bad parenting, but I’m not going to go there. Bottomline is that my brother tried to follow in my footsteps, at a faster pace. I played football; he played it better. I became an Eagle Scout; he did it younger. We went to the same college, too, although I graduated and he didn’t. Seems that’s when our ways really parted, as I went overseas and he stayed home.

He married too young (while still in school), divorced, got into some serious drug/money trouble, and needed a bailout, so I had him come live with me for a short time. Unfortunately, I had to kick him out when he crossed a certain line (no detail needed). Over the following years, he straightened out, remarried, seemed to be doing well and considered himself a success. By then, he thought I was the one with problems, because my business and my marriage were failing. Oddly, his business/marriage failed about two years later. Still following in my footsteps?

We’ve gone through long periods of not talking to each other, most recently for about four years following his second divorce. Our politics are at opposite ends of the spectrum, and we disagree about many of the life choices we’ve made. But I’ve always been there for him. We kinda patched things up last March when I visited our mom and I had a beer with him after work. Well, last week he called for the first time since then. He had been mugged, had his rent stolen, and needed to borrow some money. Of course, I sent him some, full knowing it’s unlikely I’ll get it back. I figure we will never be as close as we were as kids, but we can still be there for each other when times are tough. I love him in a fraternal way. That will never change, and he knows it.

So that’s a long way of saying I think you are on the right track. You don’t necessarily have to do things together. As a starter, maybe you could send him some concert tickets for his next birthday or Christmas or just for the heck of it. Or get him a subscription to some magazine he might like. Beyond that, it doesn’t seem to work to force communication or closeness. Just make sure, perhaps through your parents, that he knows you care about him and will always be around if he needs you. When he is ready, he’ll let you know. Till then, may your own life be filled with peace, love and abundance.