Everything I read about monasticism speaks to me, everything about the life appeals to me. I think it’s the only dream I have that I really feel good and right about putting my faith and hope in. I think the oddest thing about this goal is that it’s something that few people understand. Most of my friends and aquaintences at work don’t understand, old friends think it’s funny, people seem to be more inclined to be skeptical or warn against it rather than understand and support the decision. It’s almost become a secret; I might mention it to people at Church but I’m socializing less at Church which has really been the only place where I ever find anyone who understands the goal; even people at Church are full of warnings and raised eyebrows. Seems to me that people are so quick to shoot down the idea; I don’t know why – so I keep it to myself, sharing it only in my prayers.

God help me; I want to be a monk more than anything else in the whole world.