pask

love and be loved (read all 14 entries…)
A few news, and a question 2 years ago

I saw Mr e-mail and Mr SMS again, recently.

Mr e-mail and I attented the same diner last week. I was not that glad to see him, given the way he acted last time he sent me an e-mail (well, I seem to have given him the right name, at last). Anyway, at some point he mentioned to someone, in front of me, that he was in love, and started to talk about his new girlfriend. This might be an explanation for the way he suddenly became rude with me, this summer. And well, now things are clear, I do believe we might become good friends. Period.

And then, ten days ago, Mr SMS, who just came back from his month in Berlin, sent me an SMS (I’m good at giving them name, am I not ?) saying he had just come back and would be very glad to see me. We spent a very nice evening, last wednesday. And… well, nothing. We spent a very nice evening.

I don’t know what he wants. But this is not the main problem (well, it’s not a problem at all, in fact). The problem is : what do I want ? Well, I don’t know. I feel fine with him, I really do. He’s interesting, nice, quite cute, we share a lot of things, we can’t stop talking when we are together.

But I don’t really feel attracted.

And my question is : is the fact that I don’t fall in love (or am attracted, which would be the first step) with those guys, that are just the kind of guys I would be fine with, a problem I should consider, or is it just that falling in love is neither something you decide, nore something that happens every now and then ?

I would really like to find an answer to that.

Oct 15, 2007, 01:04PM PDT | 6 cheers


Comments:

Paola

I'd say

... go with the good time. And put labels later!

Oct 15, 2007, 02:44PM PDT | Respond to this 2 cheers

(This comment was deleted.)

Oct 15, 2007, 02:54PM PDT

roxi

I think this is a matter of your subconscience disagreeing with your conscious mind. Your conscious mind evaluates a situation (or a man) based on a handful of criteria: he’s nice enough, employed, good-looking, tidy, well-mannered, etc. Your subconscience is aware of so much more, however. I really think our subconscious minds take everything into account, and are much “smarter” than our logical minds.

Your subconscience will tell you when you’ve found the right person, and allow you – even compel you – to fall in love with him. Well, that’s how it happened for me, and I was at the point of thinking that I was incapable of falling in love.

I don’t think you should ever settle, in any case. Don’t settle for less than someone who sets your heart afire, pask! You deserve more!

Oct 15, 2007, 08:06PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 5 cheers

pask

Very interesting

but this one conception of the subconscious, the one that believes it “knows everyting” and is able to decide what’s best for the person.

In another conception, the subconscious might be something that, for instance and in that case, prevents me from falling in love because it has “learnt” from previous experiences that it’s too painful (I said for instance).

And I don’t know which conception is the good one…

:)

Oct 16, 2007, 01:58AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

roxi

It doesn't matter, because you are brave.

What you write is very true, that we can withdraw from something because our subconscience learnt from previous experience to be wary of the possible dangers. In the end, however, I think it can assess the potential benefits as well as the potential pitfalls, and that it will allow you to take the risk (it’s always a risk) to fall in love, when a particular guy is worth that risk. I know I can look forward to that day.

Oct 16, 2007, 11:04AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 3 cheers

pask

Thank you

very much for your last sentence.

Oct 16, 2007, 01:38PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

roxi

It's true.

And thank you forever for being there for me when I was lost and hopeless.

Oct 17, 2007, 10:28AM PDT | Respond to this 4 cheers

pask

Thank you all

for your answers. Each one from his/her point of wiew, you are totally right… Thanks for being so complementary.

I will first adopt Paola’s recommendation, then trust Paolo’s one, and finaly remember that what Roxi said is fundamental !

Oct 16, 2007, 02:01AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

(This comment was deleted.)

Oct 17, 2007, 12:46PM PDT

Bruno

Another thing,

is that it won’t necessarily be love at first sight, but a more human and less passionate kind of love… It’s not yes or no, 1 or 0, that’s for passion. Love, or at least attraction, can be spending some time with someone, until one morning you wake up next to him or meet him downtown and without knowing why, then, you feel it.

My two cents :)

Oct 25, 2007, 11:02AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers

pask

You are

totally right.

And I was definitly feeling like waking up next to him tomorrow morning, this time, but… Oh well, I’m really wondering what we’re playing at, the two of us… But I think I like it the way it goes. It’s getting a bit frustrating, but isn’t it frustration part of the pleasure ? :)

All right, let’s get to bed on my own, now…

Oct 25, 2007, 02:50PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

Bruno

It's totally

part of the pleasure! :) But it implies a certain romantic conception of the whole thing, otherwise it just becomes “ok, when, then?”.

(note to self: that’s one thing masochists got right…)

Oct 26, 2007, 02:52AM PDT | Respond to this 1 cheer


pask has gotten 6 cheers on this entry.

  • vielzitrone cheered this 2 years ago
  • Bruno cheered this 2 years ago
  • Cookie cheered this 2 years ago
  • Tiisi cheered this 2 years ago
  • roxi cheered this 2 years ago
  • Paola cheered this 2 years ago

 

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