Its that time of the year again. So much pressure to dress up and be silly. So hard for me as I take myself WAY too seriously. Which seriously freaks me out every year. I think I was 14 the last time I really dressed up and had fun, dressed up as a heard of cows with my girlfriends. Since then I usually agree to go to some party or out and then freak out at the last minute and cancel. No costume is ever good enough, which is just an excuse for my fear of stepping outside my normal role. Fear of pretendin and loosing myself.

So today I took the first step in conquering this fear and actually bought a platinum wig and some fake eyelashes to wear with my grandma’s black coat and my animal print high heals. And even some bright red lipstick and eye shadow. My goal is to be a movie star, but especially as I describe it am aware that I run the risk of looking like any old painted whore. There was certainly a moment when I froze in fear in line at the drag queen store, and had my husband not been there to catch my eye and make me laugh, I would have bailed. As I looked around I realized that even the old fat guys in sweaters were willing to become Britney Spears as a school girl. Maybe more than willing. So what the hell. Still a few hours before we get dressed up, but so far I completely intend on going through with it.