I’ve done this, technically, as of October 19th, 2007. But it’s really, really eerie. One day, she says she wants to be my girlfriend, I’m so off the ground that day, that not a thing else mattered to me aside from those words. For her to say that, for her to want that… Again. Everything was great for about a week. Then things started going to hell, she barely ever talks to me. EVER. I’m lucky to see her a half-hour in a two week period. And when we do it’s so distant, like she feels something, but she doesn’t want to give notice to it. She doesn’t want to admit to it.. She’s not sincere with anything she says anymore, she says I love you, but it’s not the same. It’s not the same at all, it’s so empty and cold..

And last week she told me she was going out with another guy, how am I supposed to feel about that? I get upset, and not the way most guys do. I blame it on myself, I cry. She says she doesn’t want to be, but she can’t say anything to him for fear of hurting him. I can understand that, I honestly can… But, she doesn’t realize what that does to me.. How much it hurts me.. It’s killing me inside. Yet she goes by as if nothing is wrong at all. Like everything is just fine.. It’s killing me. It really. Truly is. Most people would say that she is playing me, but I don’t believe that for a moment.. It all just hurts so badly.. I can’t understand why… Why things are this horrid. This painful. Why can’t she see? Why can’t she choose who she loves? Why does she do this….