Dude. Gay bars are where it’s at. Straight girls love it because all the guys do the home-bronzing thing, look slick and know how to accessorize, straight guys love it because all the straight girls are there and have three half-and-half vodka tonics in ‘em. I love it because that’s where they pour the strongest drinks. And the homersexuals like it because- well- because it’s a gay bar. In all honesty, I think the gays get less of a kick outta their own turf than the straights.

Did you get to take in a drag show? If not, you owe it to yourself to go back.