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write poetry (read all 2 entries…)
New Poem.

Ok so I wrote a new poem.
Tell me what you think.
and please be honest.
if you like it cool if you hate it don’t be afraid to tell me.
Critique only makes you better.

Waiting.

You moved back home, and left me here.
You told me not to wait for you.
But waiting is all I can do.
I’ll wait for the next time I see y our face.
I’ll wait for the next time I feel your warm embrace.
I’ll wait for the next time our lips touch.
And I’ll wait for the next time I hear you say those three words that mean so much.
I’ll be waiting.



Comments:

activelazypup wants another fix of live music

I like the words. The style in which a poem is written either adds to the meaning or it takes away from the meaning.
I’m taking the liberty to show you, with your own words, what I mean:

Waiting.

You moved back home,
and left me here.
You told me not to wait for you.
But waiting is all I can do.

I’ll wait for
the next time
I see your face.

I’ll wait for
the next time
I feel your warm embrace.

I’ll wait for
the next time
our lips touch.

And I’ll wait for
the next time
I hear you say
those three words
that mean so much.

I’ll be waiting.

I’ve not changed a single word. I’ve only put the words in different lineage than you originally wrote them. By making the lines shorter, by repetition (i.e. I’ll wait for…..the next time….) you make the reader absorb the words better than if they are more like sentences in a piece of writing.
It’s a lovely little poem nonetheless though! Yeah you for writing!!! I enjoyed the read!


ashley has gotten 2 cheers on this entry.

 

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