Christina Still not sure what I'm doing, what to do, who the hell I am.
I have been at home with my husband now for a week and a half. He is now in the end stages of cancer, under Hospice care, and I am on a 24 hour schedule, medicating and bathing and comforting him while he dies. I sit here all day and watch him die. We were very happy, we had plans, big ones, and goals and hopes for the time we would have together. WELL NOW WHAT???? I found happiness. I found it in a soul mate, a man who gave me strength and knowledge, care and love, who taught me more about the world, about myself even, than I could ever learn on my own. And now he is slipping away from me, barely recognizing friends and family, growing pale and thin, in more pain as each day passes. And I am watching him leave me. Yeah, I did find happiness, and it wasn’t worth a damn.