As you might know, Ralph Nader made his fame as a consumer advocate, some four decades ago. He’s the reason OSHA exists today, the reason we have airbags and child safety locks in cars and why I am aware of the existence of the Green Party. Though he and I might be on opposite sides of the spectrum when it comes to political ideologies, I have great admiration for this now certifiable public figure. In fact, after watching him speak on Larry King I was inspired to take this goal upon myself. I, like most everyone else, gets screwed by “the man”, “the system” or “whitey” on a daily basis. Unfortunately, I hardly take it upon myself to request reparations despite my righteous indignation.
For that reason, I will get in the habit of writing just one letter each month to the aforementioned Whitey, the symbol for heartless corporate America. Through this practice, I hope to make companies aware of their socio-economic responsibilities.
In all honesty, I’m a capitalist to the fullest extent. For that reason, I don’t care if Wal-mart executives don’t let their employees unionize, I get to buy shoe aglets for under a dollar and Kathy Lee Gifford approved sweat shop blouses for under $10 dollars. The grave disservice I am referring to is when I get stuck footing the bill for sub-par goods or services. The good people of Taiwan are not working 16 hour days for my Tatung brand HD television set to fail after merely 720 hours of continuous use (hypothetical, yet totally relevant example).
After I have given these merciless miscreants what for, I will ask for a token of remorse in the form of reparations. A naysayer might speculate that I’m only doing this for free stuff. NAY, I SAY! Any compensation obtained, monetary or otherwise will serve as a symbol of hope to the little people, who have been stepped on time after time! My success will be OUR success. Next time I come across injustice, I will not be standing up for complimentary McDollars or KrispyKreme Kredits (racist bastards), I will be standing up for Nader, and more importantly, I will be standing up for you!
