jaacen

Be a great dad (read all 2 entries…)
School Lunch 4 years ago

First a little background: my daughter lives with her mom. I have a fair amount of visitation with her (slightly more than the baseline, that most divorce decree’s specify).
On a recent extended visit while her mom was out of town, she mentioned that she really likes taking “home lunch” as opposed to eating “school lunch”. She and I talked at length and decided we would try something new. Even though I don’t see her everyday I am going to make her school lunches 4 out of 5 of the school days. A little planning shows that this shouldn’t be too difficult as long as I stay organized. Essentially when I see her on Monday nights I’ll have 2 lunches all ready to go for Tuesday and Wednesday, and on Wednesday nights I’ll have Thursday and Friday lunches ready. She’ll swap her empty lunch boxes for the 2 full ones that I have when we see each other.

This might seem like a strange thing to do… but in my (limited) experience with being a divorced dad, the more things I try to do in order to be a part of her “everyday” life, the better. It seems like divorced dads get thrown into one of 2 categories:
1) the deadbeat dad, who doesn’t even take the opportunity to see his kids when he can…
2) the “fun” dad, who sees his kids during visitation, takes them out for ice cream and movies, but doesn’t really get into the “serious” issues of their lives…

I’m aiming for the 3rd option… the “great dad”. This is the dad who strives to be a part of his child’s life everyday despite not getting to see her every day. This is the dad who sees her during their visitation, but who helps her study and do her homework during that same time. ... there are thousands of other things that this “great dad” will have to do to deserve his place outside the 2 typical divorced father categories. I just hope that, given time, I can make it into the 3rd category of fathers.

Oct 03, 2005, 10:18PM PDT | 18 cheers


Comments:

(This comment was deleted.)

Oct 17, 2005, 07:27PM PDT

pnwheel1002

that was a great dad story, you are indeed a great dad. Wonderful idea.

Nov 21, 2005, 06:32PM PST | Respond to this

Happy Phantom is just relaxing

Is this still working out for you?

Looks like it’s been 3 months since you wrote this entry. Just wondering if it’s been working out.

Dec 30, 2005, 08:16AM PST | Thread | Respond to this

jaacen

mostly...

We tapered off a lot at the end of the year. Lots of school holidays, and visitation holidays threw a few hitches in there. I also had a little bit of trouble getting lunchboxes back from her mom’s house, but that’s the smallest issue that might keep it from happening.

The plan is to start up again in full force next week, and not miss a week between then and the end of the school year.

Dec 30, 2005, 02:06PM PST | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

cathibeth

What about brown

bagging it? You could color on it to make them special and maybe start a trend….

You amaze me. Three cheers for you! Thank you jaacen for showing what a man can and should be. Thank you for loving your daughter.

Dec 30, 2005, 02:11PM PST | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers

jaacen

I was a little hesitant to start the brown bags. I still remember being a kid and being very particular about who/what adorned my lunch box (yes, I still own my vintage metal spider-man lunchbox from many, many moons ago). BUT we have had trouble with lunch boxes (typically just not coming back from her mother’s house in a timely manner…), so this weekend I mentioned the brown bag idea. It was funny to watch her response. At first she was pretty skeptical, until I got to the part where we could draw on them and color them up with markers. Thank you much for the idea.

As far as the rest… you flatter me. I’m just struggling through parenthood like so many others before me. Thanks for the kind words.

Feb 21, 2006, 09:44AM PST | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

cathibeth

Wonderful!

She’s gotta be tickled pink about it. All through the day she can look at the bag and be reminded of your love. Fantastic!

Feb 21, 2006, 10:04AM PST | Respond to this 1 cheer

Happy Phantom is just relaxing

Excellent

You know what can make it all fun? Once a week, you can bake or make a snack together (cookies, homemade chex mix or something) and that can be included in her lunches. This way, at school, she can be reminded of the time you spent together making it!

You are awesome.

Dec 31, 2005, 08:08AM PST | Thread | Respond to this

jaacen

Easy bake oven

(sorry I’m so slow to respond)

A few years ago I bought her an Easy Bake oven. She loved it, but as a toy I thought it was a disaster. 2 packs of “easy bake” ingredients, 3 dirty bowls, 2 dirty spoons or whisks, 1 dirty pan, a 50 Watt light bulb, and 45 minutes later what do you have? 4 nickle sized cup cakes that aren’t exactly solid, and there clearly isn’t enough to share! It didn’t take long to figure out that with a little extra help from me, she would get much more enjoyment from making a box of “real” brownies.

She and I actually make brownies together maybe once a month or so. After making them I do make sure they get sent with her lunches. I hadn’t thought of chex mix though. I like the idea, now I’ll just have to find a recipe.

Thanks for the suggestion.

Feb 21, 2006, 09:55AM PST | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

Happy Phantom is just relaxing

recipes

http://www.chex.com/recipes/introduction.asp

Feb 21, 2006, 04:29PM PST | Thread | Respond to this

thank you - jaacen

krittylea

Your entry got me all misty eyed

Not only does your daughter deserve the relationship you’re cultivating, but you deserve it as well. You are young, but more mature than most dads I know.
Keep up the good work!

Feb 17, 2006, 06:01PM PST | Thread | Respond to this

jaacen

not so young, anymore...

Thanks. She and I are both really enjoying our time together.

As far as being young… not for a long time. Maybe it’s time to update my “avatar” photo (that one is older than I care to admit)

Thank you for the encouraging words.

Feb 21, 2006, 10:12AM PST | Respond to this 1 cheer

(This comment was deleted.)

Feb 22, 2006, 08:48AM PST

jaacen

Talking to my daughter everyday is good… but keep in mind that non-divorced dads do that without thinking anything of it. I know that one of your DONE goals is to give your wife and kids a hug everyday! So, while I’m not going to tell ANY dad that he couldn’t step it up a notch or 5 (myself included), I’d wager that you are doing fairly well with your kids.

Sledding on Saturdays definitly counts. Any day spent sliding down snow and ice covered hills is a good one as far as I’m concerned (assuming no bones are broken :) )

Feb 22, 2006, 03:01PM PST | Respond to this 1 cheer

Randi Roux!!!

Ok....WOW!!!

What an amazing guy and dad you are!! Don’t know how I have missed this entry before, but wow, I am so impressed! Do you still make the lunches? Your daughter is a lucky little duck to have such a great dad. And you making sure that you and her will have a great relationship for all the many years in the future.
I wish I could give you 20 cheers for this entry!

Cheers to Jaacen! Cheers to Jaacen!

Mar 06, 2006, 10:45AM PST | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

jaacen

you are too kind

I still make lunches. It isn’t a perfect system, there are occasions when it doesn’t get done. But I’m still working at it.

As far as being lucky… I feel like I’m the one who’s lucky. My daughter is awesome. In a way this was all really her idea. I love that she and I talk often enough that she was able to mention something as trivial as school lunch. By mentioning that to me she gave me the opportunity to be a better father, and all I have to do is make a few lunches each week.

Thank you for your kind words.

Mar 07, 2006, 09:47AM PST | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers

Randi Roux!!!

You are awesome!

You are a great dad, many could learn from you!

Mar 10, 2006, 03:31PM PST | Respond to this

Paul Nelson

This is exactly like

“Eat, drink, man, woman”

Fabulous! Way to go, Jaacen.

What a great idea. And I love it because it’s a tangible expression of how you feel, which is, like, 1000 times more powerful than just saying it.

Bravo.

Mar 06, 2006, 12:52PM PST | Thread | Respond to this

jaacen

thanks

I haven’t seen “Eat, drink, man, woman”, but I just added it to my NetFlix queue.

It is a great idea (I credit my daughter for that though).

It’s funny how making a few lunches has brought she and I even closer. Now going grocery shopping, a task that she used to dread getting dragged along for, is something that she reminds me to do since she has a vested interest in what ends up in her lunches.

thanks.

Mar 07, 2006, 09:53AM PST | Respond to this 3 cheers


jaacen has gotten 18 cheers on this entry.

 

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