My christmas eve was a gift in a way. B’s uncle invited us down for a traditional swedish dinner. His uncle is a retired banker who is always generating ideas, producing videos, writing, he’s fun to visit. He also has four adopted boys ages, 15, 19, 22, and 24. The 24 year old luckily lives on his own, but comes home regularly for food and supplies etc, and has given them grief countless times with drugs and alcohol. The 22 yr old still lives at home and has never had a job for more than a few weeks. He promises he is looking for work and he emails one resume a week and considers that an apt job search, what with all the time he’s watching movies and playing guitar hero. The 19 yr old just got obliquely involved in gang activity stealing in exchange for drugs. Now the 15 year old, he was cute and well behaved, and the parents are really hoping that he will not want to follow his brothers. I could see how stressful it was for the parents, feeling so little control over these boys. They also complained how much their friends influence them and they cannot be reasoned with. I was not envious to say the least. In fact it was downright disturbing to consider dealing with teenagers. So, this week, I’m feeling another release from my hormonal drive to procreate. It feels so good not to have that anxiety and all the thoughts that go along with it. And a girl at work is adopting a baby and I felt so excited for her, I felt a hint that I could feel good about that option in the future perhaps as well. I feel good about starting the new year with a gradually improving perspective on my feelings towards wanting a family. What sweet relief even if just for now.