dreamcatcher is being quiet.
I’ve been thinking about whether I allow feelings of pleasure to override my intuition. At the moment I seem to connect this problem with spending money on nice things for myself. Sometimes I just get overwhelmed by the desire to have more glamour and beauty in my life.
Due to where I’m located I’ve become much more of a window shopper lately. Temptation is there. I see something I like and I want to buy it rather than having the desire before I see the object.
On the other hand, the things I buy for myself are not really what I would consider frivolous. And I’ve gone through long periods over the last few years of never buying myself anything. I go through these puritan phases. I am almost embarrassed to say that I like clothes. Half of me judges the other half for being shallow.
My issues with this are bound up in the whole self-denial thing. I’m very good at self-denial. I somehow think that if I allowed myself free rein to buy whatever I wanted I would just go crazy and it would be like in ‘The Red Shoes’. As it is, I covet things.
The amount of money things cost has very little to do with the issue. I rarely buy anything expensive. I think it is the act of buying I have a problem with.