nurture my relationship with my mother in spite of our differences (read all 6 entries…)
My mom

is a wonderful woman. We have a lot in common and usually get along really well, and I love her to bits. But we also have some very deep-rooted differences, and a few weeks ago we had a conversation which made it clear that some of these differences are going to be an issue and have the potential to seriously damage our relationship. We ended the conversation without any kind of resolution but with reassurances that we still loved each other, but I discovered afterwards that I was a lot more hurt and angry than I thought I was at the time.

Yesterday was the first time I’ve visited since, though we’d exchanged a few text messages in the meantime. I wasn’t in great form and could have done without it, as I really didn’t want to get into the whole thing again just yet; but as it happened it went quite well. Little Bro was there when I arrived, which prevented Mom and I being plunged into a tete-a-tete, and by the time he left the light tone had been set and was maintained for the rest of the evening.

We will have to talk about these issues again, probably repeatedly as it’s going to be an on-going thing, and it’s definitely going to be difficult and probably hurtful and is very unlikely ever to be satisfactorily resolved; but I want to maintain as much of our relationship as possible – while making sure not to ignore or gloss over the issues – and make sure my mom knows I love her even though there are things on which we’re never going to agree.



Comments:

She's lucky

to have such a loving daughter. I’m beyond impressed with how consciously the two of you are approaching this. It sounds like these are fundamental issues and I’m sure you’re both feeling emotional. Cheer upon cheer for seeing the importance of expressing your love and respect for her and holding to what is important and right for you.

Thank you, Ti

That means a lot coming from you. It is emotional, but I can understand to a large extent where my mom is coming from, so my dominant emotion is just a sort of regret that our respective positions are causing issues. (Which is almost annoying – it’d be easier to feel like a sulky teenager and resent her for “not understanding me” :-p ) I’m not really even wishing it was different, just a little sad that sometimes there’s no right answer that will make everything ok.

nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot. Please don't take lack of response or reciprocation personally!

I so relate

to this goal. Though I’m not sure I can nurture a relationship in my case. Things are never resolved between us. But I’m glad you and your mom seem to be making an attempt!


Evie has gotten 8 cheers on this entry.

 

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