Weird on Think about him with serenity on 43 Things

Think about Him with serenity (read all 38 entries…)

Weird 23 months ago

It’s very weird to see how much his mere existence keeps terrifying me. I just went and had lunch very close to the place where he works, and my heart was beating with anguish at the thought that I could bump into him (and have to be “correct” since I was with my boss who knows him). When I came back I had just received an email that had also been sent to him and that made me very unconfortable, thinking he was reading the words I was reading, and he could decide to “answer to all” or something, and then I could read words he would have written, eeeck. Tonight I’m seeing a mutual friend that might pronounce his name at some point during the conversation and I know I will fear it all the way.

(He’s not always that present in my life, I’m having a series of coincidences here).

I’m still fearing the effect he can have upon me, I’m still feeling that, in front of him, I would totally melt and not be able to resist if he “tried” something. I’m still feeling very weak each time I feel him “close”, in any way.

While I haven’t been in a real interaction whith him for almost two years now.

How weird is that ?

Jan 23, 2008, 05:50AM PST | 5 cheers

Comments:

(This comment was deleted.)

Jan 23, 2008, 06:18AM PST

pask

I think

I’m moving on, I really do, and I’m totally okay about him, most of the time. I mean, the process of “thinking about him less and less” is on, stuff like that.

But powerful is the word, it’s weird to have someone in the world whose existence disturbs me so much, someone I can’t consider having normal relationships with.

^{And of course I don’t know up to what point it affects my current capacity to be in a relationship}

Jan 23, 2008, 06:33AM PST | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers