Well, for starters I found out my timer is broken, (I hadn’t used it for a long time), and so I threw it away. (Hurray, that is one of my goals too!)

I spent the half hour going through file cabinet drawers to see what was in them. I have 6 file cabinet drawers in this room, and most of them are full of old stuff. No wonder I leave stuff on the desk and the floor.

While I was working, I thought about something that I’d read in a book I have on my bookshelf about OCD. It’s called “SUDS”, which stands for

Subjective
Units of
Distress
Scale

It’s a scale from 0 to 100, where 0 is complete absence of anxiety, 50 is moderate (like taking a test where you have prepared well, but you are still moderately anxious about it), and 100 is the scariest situation you can imagine.

I think my SUDS scale was maybe up around 75 or so. Maybe a little higher. In fact, just thinking about what my SUDS level was when looking at those old files makes my heart rate go up. I can feel it.

I’ve never really used this workbook with the SUDS scale in it. I’ve only read it. (I almost loaned it to a friend who has OCD but different fears from my own.) I just now took a look at the book again, and it’s all about dealing with fear and anxiety. But basically, I did just what the book said to do. I kept on taking an inventory of my files for the full 30 minutes, in spite of the rising anxiety level of which I was mindful. It’s a start. The experiment was a success. Yay!