I Quit my Job I Now Spend Every Minute, Every Second of Everyday with Mikayla
I try to give her as much attention as I possibly can give her.

I Make Sure everyday I give her at least one Bath, Bath Time is Her Favorite She loves Bath Time & I love sitting beside the bath watching her Splash around, a squeal at the top of her lungs, Every Minute I spend watching her in that bath makes me feel good inside.

I Devote every second of every minute of my spare time to playing with her or even just giving her cuddles, In between doing House work, Washing or whatever else it is that needs doing,

On Wednesdays I take her Food shopping with me an she sits in the trolley an talks away to me throws her toys out of the trolley an makes me pick them up about a million an one times, But no matter how many times she makes me pick them up or no matter how many times she throws them straight back out the minute I give them back to her, The moment those Big Blue eyes look into mine all the Frustration an anger I feel seems to drift away like it never even existed. Those Big Blue eyes of hers melt my Heart into a million pieces, Every time I look at them, She follows me round the house from moment she wakes up in the morning till the moment she goes to sleep at night Yelling Mum mum mum, If I disappear out of sight she crawls around looking for me yelling out mum mum, It makes me feel wonderful inside to know that she really does love me, An that she does know who I am,

I Love sitting on the couch watching her playing with her toys & learning new things, I felt so proud the morning I watched her playing with her shape o Box when she put some of the shapes in the right holes all by herself I felt so Proud, I love lying there watching her crawling round the house whether it be chasing the cats or just looking for things she can put in her mouth.
I love sitting there watching her Learn new Things, watching her try and discover new ways she can get into things she isn’t supposed.
I love the cute little words, she comes out with & her little Squeals of Joy Never cease to make me smile… Its moments like these When I feel happiness I’ve never felt before, I sit there watching her an I say to myself how lucky I am to have such a Beautiful & Talented & Clever little Girl.
Every Morning I wake up smiling & wondering What the day ahead holds for us, wondering whether she will speak a new word, or take her first step or maybe get another tooth, wondering what new thing she will show me today, everyday I wake up more excited than I did yesterday.
Everyday I fought back tears as I walked out that door, It was the hardest thing I ever had to do walking out the door knowing my little girl was on the other side of that door crying her little heart out because all she wanted was her mummy, But I felt I had to go I wanted to give her everything she ever needed or wanted. I wanted to give her everything that’s she could ever dream of, I wanted to give her the world, that’s how much I love her, I knew I wasn’t possible but I would try my hardest, to give her everything she could ever possibly want, I promised her she’d never go without an she would have everything she ever needed. I Thought that giving her everything would make her happy, But I was very wrong in thinking that, she didn’t want everything she just wanted her mummy, she was too young to realize where it all came from, to young to realize how mummy got it all,
I thank my mother so much for making me realize that it didn’t matter what she had the only thing that mattered to that little girl was having her mummy home to feed her dinner, to give her bed time bath, an tuck her in at night, her mummy that she missed so much, I brought her everything I could possibly afford, to try a make up for not being there for her but I soon enough realized that it wasn’t making her any happier. She was still that little girl who looked sad all the time, The little girl who crawled around all day yelling out mum mum mum, the little girl who went to bed at night crying herself to sleep saying my name. The little girl who woke up in the morning only to see that it wasn’t her mummy getting her out of bed, Mikel said to me one night that I needed to quit my job an be a mum he started to cry as he told me that he had never in Mikayla whole short life seen those big blue eyes so sad, As he had seen them at night when he put her to bed when she realize mummy wasn’t coming to kiss her goodnight, crying her little heart out for me. He had never seen them sadder than he had those mornings when he walked into her bedroom to get her out of bed; a she had realized it wasn’t mummy.

The very next afternoon as I was leaving for work she crawled after me crying mum mum mum, As I closed the door I herd her Crying her little heart out, like id never herd her cry before It broke my heart it was that moment that I said to myself, She is suffering, she needs me around now more than ever I decided to give up work an be with her fulltime mum,
I finished my last two weeks got the money I needed to take us on a holiday a week away Just mummy Mikayla & Daddy. I saved every cent I could, I finished work an haven’t looked back since, we went away we had an amazing holiday Mikayla an I grew really close over our holidays. I have never told anyone this but I was so afraid that id lost that mother daughter bond forever I was terrified of the thought that I might not ever be able to ever repair her broken heart the heart that I had broken,. So for that whole week I devoted every second of every minute of my time an attention to that little girl, I’d never seen her happier in her whole short life as she was that week, The very first night of our holiday as promised mummy gave Mikayla her bedtime bath, as promised mummy put her into bed an tucked her in, I bent down an kissed her of her little cheek an never in her whole short life had I ever seen her smile like I did the very moment I kissed her cheek an told her I loved her, she closed her eyes an went to sleep, Mikel & Mum were right all she ever wanted an needed was her mummy that’s all that mattered to her.
I do regret Every Second of Every minute of Everyday I spent at work away from her, I spend everyday of my life wishing I could take it all back, But I cant take it back, I cant make up for that time that was lost I realize that an it breaks my heart everyday I regret not cherishing every second of every minute of everyday that I had the chance too be in her life when she needed me most, All I can do is promise myself that I will cherish Every second of Every minute of everyday the future holds for us,

I haven’t Spoken of this before but when Mikayla was born for a very long time I felt she didn’t know who I was an that she didn’t know I was her mum or that she didn’t love me, at times I felt I was not good enough for her at time I felt she deserved a better mum then me A mummy that knew how to be a mum, A mum that knew that buying their daughter things wont always make them happy, A mother that knew that buying her daughter things wouldn’t help fix that broken heart, that heart that longed for a mummy that was hardly there for her.

I admit I didn’t spend anywhere near enough time with Mikayla as I should have in her First Few months of life, I wasn’t there as much as she needed me to be due to the fact I couldn’t handle her crying It frustrated me & I got upset, I worked a lot & my life was extremely Busy I used to spend a Few hours a night with her if that, An that was no where near enough time, She deserved so much better.

At times I lied in bed an cried at night Hoping Mikayla would forgive me for not being there for her as much as I should have, Hoping she would forgive me for making a mistake, the mistake of thinking that giving her everything she could ever want would make her happy. The mistake of thinking that buying her things would fix her broken heart. When all she really wanted was me, I hope one day she realizes how truly sorry I am an how horrible I really feel for not being there for her she’s to young at the moment to realize but hopefully she forgets the part of her life where I wasn’t really around to be her mum.

She’s Growing up so Fast its Amazing I think to myself every night I go to sleep I think to myself how thankful I am for mikel & Mum making me see that all my Greatest Pride & Joy really needed was me.
I look back at these past two months each an every day has been spent with Mikayla an I now see Everything I would have missed if I had of kept my Job.
But one thing I know for sure is that I’ll cherish every second of every minute of everyday with her for the rest of our lives…
I couldn’t Imagine Spending Every Minute of everyday without her she’s my Whole life she always was but more so Now then she was then… Mikayla Jade Noble you are what my dreams are made of.

She's Ten Months old & Nearly Walking, She’s quite a clever little Girl Her dad & I read her Books & attempt to teach her Numbers, Colors & The alphabet... She's saying a few little words which we can not yet understand... She’s learning quickly though... She'll be In School before I know it.

Love always Mummy xx