I had been doing good lately with not having the suicidal thoughts. But last night it hit me again. I was just sitting at my laptop loading music on to my iPod, I listened to Tyra B’s song “Givin’ me a rush” (which I am addicted to the sound of). I was feeling good, singing and just chillin out, then I got in bed and tears started running down my face. It shocked me because most times I have the bad thoughts then the tears and last comes the suicidal feelings. But last night i didn’t have the bad thoughts, it just went from happy to tears to wanting to die. I don’t know why exactly, I mean yeah I have been going through a hard time lately and it has been a drain mentally for me, but this came on with no warning at all. It scares me. Plus I know I am never going to kill myself because I’m such a wuss but still, this was just too weird. I kept picturing me hanging myself. I called my doctor already. Because this was wayy to weird.