virtualbean has been getting back to routine!
I have a friend, well I guess HAD would be the optimum term now… that had started a business and become very busy, well more like completely wrapped up in it. I know that when you start a business, it takes up vast amounts of time and energy. But this person seemed to lose some sight of the people that had tried to help, but were turned away… or the people had had given kind advice, but were turned away because my friend, I guess, knew better than anyone. At least that was my understanding. After a bit, I gave up entirely, probably not a good friend thing to do, but I simply couldn’t handle the constant drama and stress that my friend was under, and when you were there, it was like you were immersed it in at well. At least from my understanding, and a few others that said similar. things. My friend had gone from confident to ranting and I couldn’t cope. Bad Bad Bad bean.
Suddenly my friend, although I had only a handful of conversations over the last 3 or 4 months, turned on me, calling me, waking me from much needed rest, then going off on me about something that I had never anything to do with, and I simply had no answer for. At first I thought maybe my friend was looking for some advice, but the more I listened, the more I realized this person was attacking me, under so much stress, she was losing it on one of the few people that been supportive to her. I let her get out the main point to her argument, and simply said that it could be resolved, but that I needed to return to bed. I don’t think for her it was about sorting it out, I think it was about letting out her stress, and I simply chose not to listen.
In the AM, I called a relative and asked if they knew what was going on. As it turned out, after she had lost it on me, she then lost it on them, telling them how unsupportive I had been the entire time, how our friendship was over, and how I had treated her as if she were completely inept in her business. I was stunned. I had said or done nothing to provoke this. I’ve always been an opinionated person, but I’ve always left the decisions to those they belong to. As for being unsupportive, it was unfounded… I had done more than my share in helping her get on her feet. My choice to not participate was mine, partly a reflection on her behavior, but more to do with what I needed in my own life. I was really saddened by this. I questioned myself if I should have simply said “what’s wrong”... but looking back, I had on many occasion left a phone call that was never returned, tried to stop by, but she was too busy with business to take the time out, the advice I had given when it was needed was never acted on, in fact much of the time never doing anything about the problem until it was out of control.
Sometimes I think being nicer means that you have to let go of what you are obsessing about long enough to realize the good people around you.