I haven’t enjoyed being single that much, I mean sometimes I think having someone to share the things that are important to me would be nice, but when I’m single I think I spend too much time thinking about relationships and having someone and I completely forget all the great things about solitude and being on my own and growing as a person independantly and without influence from a partner.

On Friday night I had the option of acquiring a boyfriend, which is always nice, but instead of enjoying the moment, I completely freaked out at this special little thing, I have spent weeks, months even trying to work out why exactly I keep holding back from this wonderful, beautiful, extraordinary person and I truly believe it can only be that I am simply not ready for commitment or sharing myself with someone else, and it made me think of how much we give to someone else. We seem to think that we meet in the middle, that there is compromise, but I think we, as people who have relationships, give so much more than that. I mean we are asking for so much, we ask of them to be
our lover
our best friend
our partner
our crux
our support
we ask to be
tolerent
loving
sensitive
interested in our work
compatible with interests, work, sex, living arangements
we ask so much of this person, things that we would/could never ask of our closest friends or family, that’s a whole lot of pressure, and frankly I’m not sure I am willing to give that much of myself. At least not yet.