I have said this to myself at the wrong times. It is always after I have decided not to do something or ended something because it could lead to changes in my life. I want to think of this before I leave my apartment and then lead a life like this instead of my great hindsight. I need changes but I fear anything that I can not predict the outcome. It is time to start for real and make life what I want instead of accepting everything and avoiding conflict and intimacy. I will change because I know I have the courage to and that all I need is to accept myself as not being perfect or close to it instead I am a man with many errors who hides his feelings and never makes a decision for himself for the sake of making a decision. I will change and not just go along all the time I will make more decisions and see the outcome.