my brother is going off to iraq soon, he’s in the army. it was (potentially) the last time we may see him when he just now came home on leave.

anyways, we were cool when we were kids, but it turned somewhat sour. we argued a lot more and physically fought. i was bitter and angry with him for the longest time. i felt like i never had an older brother growing up. i’m almost 20 now and it was still akward having convos with him. i think it’s sad how i can talk to my boyfriend a lot easier and do things with him then my older brother.

but i was telling my therapist about this and how much this relationship bothers me and she thought that i should talk to him about all that i was feeling. i was skeptical. i told her i would.

every time i tried to talk to him while he was here i felt tears surfacing. i really didnt think i could do it.

on the last night it was my last chance, we talked. and it was a long time too. i said it all. and i found so much closure and understanding to what i was feeling for all these years.

i have to say this was the hardest thing i have ever done in my life!

i now can honestly say i can talk to him without feeling bad, self-concious, or awkward.

i now have a better relationship with my older brother.