Wait. That’s not reassuring at all, as we all ARE a bit nuts around here. But even if you are on the biting end of anxiety right now, I’m willing to bet that your talent, perseverance and hard work will pull you through the beginning of the new job. You do have a habit of undervaluing yourself and you’re really an outstanding person in sooo many ways.

I use a Barbara Sher trick when worry thoughts start to spiral. I take the story to its absolute worst end, making it as horrible as possible. So at the end of my worry story about not making a phone call, I’d be a catatonic, rash-covered, drooling wreck who lived in the basement of an insane asylum after I had to break in because I was so crazy and depressed even the doctors wanted me gone. Oh, and I cut my hand breaking in and it got infected and will probably fall off. And there are rats that eat my toes at night. And super-intelligent spiders that are planning to blackmail me, so I have to spend my time crawling around gathering live bugs for them. But I’m so hungry, I’ve started eating the bugs myself.

It sounds counterproductive, but it helped me see that it’s never as bad as I can imagine and I developed a sense of healthy skepticism about my anxieties.

You are allowed to feel some anxiety, you know. That’s totally normal, especially when there are changes taking place… and it’s completely understandable that without the distraction of family all around, you start to think about it more.

Frankly (and not that I claim to be the best gauge of ‘normal’), I’m completely shitting myself over the prospect of starting a new job. I do it every time. Even though, every time, things have turned out just fine. But, yep… still shitting myself.

Not trying to dismiss the speech thing in any way, but it’s very true that most people have times of dysfluency and misarticulation. Particularly if they are tired, stressed, distracted, etc. For example, I stutter and stumble over words all the time (it’s actually quite funny when I start to tell someone that I’m a Speech Pathologist, and then stuff up ‘pathologist’). An ex used to tell me that every time I said, “I was just thinking…”, he heard it as “I was just sinking.”

Quite often I’ll start to say something, change one of the words in my head, and come out with a mix of both words. My favourite example of this is starting to say ‘put’, but then changing to ‘pop’... so I usually end up saying something like “poop it on the table”.

Speech is also one of those things that improves with practise. Same with socialising and talking with people. The general rule is, the more you do it, the easier it is. Doesn’t mean you won’t still feel some anxiety over it, but it does get easier. Sounds like you’re just a little out of practise in the workplace.

None of the things you’re anxious about sound out of the ordinary to me. I think it’s great that you’re going to talk with your counsellor. Talking about your fear, getting it out and being able to look at it with someone who can see it objectively, makes a huge difference.

((((((((hugs))))))))

I’m losing subs too, if it makes you feel better. Who’s counting, though, really?

I’ve noticed your entries are not as frequent, similar to my own. As we focus more on the real-life part of our life, we have less time to spend on 43T, and the subscribers melt away like pounds from a meth addict.

The truth is that your anxiety and my depression is part of who we are. The loss of subs is not connected with the content of our posts, I’m certain.

Be well.

I admit some of my entries are depressing and I have just recently lost a subscriber and I will admit it made me feel bad. Silly thing is, even though I didn’t know the person, I felt like I lost a friend. :(

Chin up, they come and they go.

There’s nothing you could do or say that would make me hit the unsubscribe button sweet. You are an inspirational, beautiful, intelligent, funny, interesting woman and I love that you share your world with us – the good and the not so good moments… it’s what friends do, and like Tiisi said, even though we may have never met, that’s what we are – friends.

xxx

thanks to each of you for your thoughtful posts and support.

i appreciate each word from each of you enormously.

xxx

it could very well be an empathy thing. you said your Dad has Parkinson’s and it’s affected his speech, and you seem to be a pretty sensitive and empathetic person. therefore, i think you may be picking up on his troubles.

i live in Japan and teach English to Japanese people. previously i had a college radio show and was always complimented on my nice, clear, articulate speech. but after nearly 3 years in Japan, on occasion i find myself using “Japanisms”: messing up sentence order, making the kind of grammar mistakes that the Japanese make, and occasionally even confusing L and R! the only reason i can think of is, if you hear something enough times it starts to stick. so trust me, it happens.