[This is kind of embarrassing…it isn’t supposed to be so nostalgic. I’ll fix this later.]
When I say this goal is “not worth it,” I’m only speaking for myself. Sororities are not for everyone. I’ve spent too much of my life hating my shyness, my introversion, and trying to snub Nature by remaking myself into society’s ideal woman. And, as I have learned, I just can’t beat Nature.
I knew, going into this whole rushing business, that I did not fit the sorority stereotype. But I considered the fact that my university is, well, atypical and full of nerds, and decided that the sororities here might be different. I went on to pledge in spite of my reservations. Pledging was harmless, and, in some ways, even kind of pleasant. With my initiation, however, came the revelation of not only the historical secrets but also of the systematized judgment that is crucial to the stability of every Greek house, no matter how unconventional it might seem on the outside. (I have found this to be universally true. Institutions that seem pristine on the outside are always corrupt at the core.)
What bothers me more than the hierarchies and the false labeling (I have one and only one sister, whom I love deeply, and I find it ridiculous to apply the same label to 50+ girls whom I just happened to be shuffled into the same organization as) is recruitment. Don’t give me a five-minute glimpse of a girl and tell me to rate her based on how much I think she would uphold the image of the sorority! Does that mean attractiveness? Personality? Absolute bullshit? I can’t even tell most of this stuff from speaking to someone for five minutes. Some of the most wonderful people I have ever met don’t exactly make astounding first impressions, but apparently those are the ones who aren’t cut out for ‘sisterhood.’ We’re told not to gossip about the potential new members, but of course it happens, and of course it’s hurtful. It hurts me to hear those kinds of things about girls who might really be incredible, or, at the least, very nice. And while I’m not the one talking shit, I am virtually upholding this kind of nasty behavior simply by paying my dues. I’m guilty in my own way: I’ve lied to rushees about how much I’ve enjoyed my time in the sorority in spite of my moral objections.
Most of the girls in my house are better recruiters than I am and take more advantage of the benefits (can’t exactly pinpoint them. Invitationals? Exchanges? ‘Good’ food?) than I do. They evidently are the kinds of people for whom this goal is “worth it.” And they are worth it to the sorority, too; they are the girls who wear our letters with pride, the future leaders of the house. As for me—if I stay with this, I will never forgive myself.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed the social aspects and have met a lot of great girls here. But I am the worst judge of them all because I, too, stumble in the first five minutes. I am awkward, geeky, and a terrible liar. I love people, love them for who they are and who they might be, and I don’t feel better about myself when I assign them numerical values. I don’t even feel elitist. I simply feel degraded.
