It’s a strange thing. After being unemployed for three months and stuck in a living situation that is slowly killing me, I’m more ready than I can express to get a job and move. And so the steps it takes to get there have become almost instinctive, acts of self-preservation. Yesterday I got an email in response to probably the most adult (read: scary) and well-paying job I applied for, asking me to call the HR rep asap. When I told Lani about this, I spoke of falling-off-the-couch excitement, but really I was quite still (in part, perhaps, because “asap” for me was the next morning); when the time came to make the call, I spoke of my doubts and nervousness, but really, compared to how I have felt in similar past situations, my stomach was settled and my head certain.

I don’t know what this means; surely the three months have left me also less articulate and generally less in the swing of things, but then again, when the time comes perhaps I will go on autopilot and just get the job done. I’m just ready for the next step, even if it is the scary adult job that requires a new wardrobe & professionalism instead of the nothing part-time grunt work jobs I keep thinking I prefer; maybe I’m ready to just jump into that, and have a new life and be sort of (only in job-related ways, understand) a new person right from the off.

Regardless, if anything comes from this return call when it comes, whether it’s a real job or just the opportunity to go to Mpls to interview for one, I’m going to laugh at myself for considering, even for a moment, not pursuing this—and hopefully some lesson will come with it.