xaliegro

get laid more often
Laying it down.

The weirdest thing is that I AM in a relationship. Only one that is just not too… physical. It’s the dilemma of the battling libidos. The race of the sex drives. The most uncomfortable comfort of relationships.
I’m trying to deal with this, without becoming bitchy or feeling offended because I’m considered ‘too sexual’ or something. Oh, well. It’s bound to happen that what’s ‘too much’ for someone it’s ‘too little’ for the other. But why did I go and marry him?

Oct 24, 2005, 06:25AM PDT | 1 cheer


Comments:

Stacey

I don't mean to be rude but...

... I think this is something you need to talk about with your partner, especially as you’re married!!
It’s a difference with the both of you that I feel you need to work around or work out.
Is there a reason that your partner enjoys/prefers to have less sex than you?? Maybe he doesn’t like it as much as you so maybe you could….spice up your sex life or try new things.
I think this is important because although I don’t know you but you may in the future get too bored or frustrated by this and go looking for someone else to satisfy your needs…!!
Just a bit of friendly advice, I don’t know if it’ll help or not though xXx

Oct 24, 2005, 06:39AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

xaliegro

not rude at all....

Hi, Stacey!
Thanks for responding. You see, when we’re in this kind of situation I think we develep some kind of shortsightedness. We (my partner and I) did talk about it and we set the rules (almost two years after we decided to live together) but still, I have my ‘venting’ moments. He told me what he thought about sex and I accepted to go along with it. And I have tried to ‘spice it up’ but I think that he is just less… physical than I am. I feel close to him, but intimacy for me also means sex. He says he doesn’t need it or even like it so much, that cuddling is enough. I’ve tried to go with it, but sometimes it’s just too much inner pressure. And hence this post. It does help, though. Telling these things to somebody else (he thinks we do NOT need couples therapy, that we can work our stuff out ourselves) is cool, though.

Oct 24, 2005, 09:28AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

Stacey

ok..

...Well it seems that it’s all well and good you accepting him not wanting to have sex but is he accepting you wanting to have sex and your version of intimacy and does he accept that cuddling isn’t enough for you?
If he doesnt enjoy sex, does that mean all the aspects of sex including pleasuring eachother ‘manually’ (with hands)or even orally (orally doesn’t really appeal to me though!!) but I don’t think these seem as physical as sex yet you get the pleasure!!
I don’t mean to be rude but from what you’ve said it seems that his decisions are final about the sex and the couples therapy. Shouldn’t he have respect for what you want to do although he can’t be forced to do these things!!
What were these rules you made 2 years into living with eachother?? I hope you (both) resolve this issue xXx

Oct 26, 2005, 06:36AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

xaliegro

decisions

Oh, I know. And the decisions ARE final, I’m afraid. I basically said yes to them but I really wonder why I didn’t insist and persist on finding a middle ground. His attitude is more of ’...well, if you want to do SOMETHING… ’ and I feel it’s like a mercy shag. NOT sexy. That attitude (and his no-nos to many things that other people find even pedestrian in sex) is not really all good. I have decided to go along and enjoy his company and his many qualities. I worry about the sex thing, though because my eyes wander sometimes.
Oh, and thanks! It’s liberating talking to someone about this!

Oct 27, 2005, 10:53AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

Stacey

Oh dear...

...that doesn’t sound good!! Is there no chance of talking to him about it and changing the final decisions??
Does he know that you feel that the sex you do have it not sexy, and you feel like its a mercy shag?? Does he know that your eyes ander sometimes??
Will him knowing these things not make him realise that you have needs too??
Just a suggestion and I don’t know if this will work (mainy because I don’t know if you use one or not) but have you tried leaving a sex toy lying around (maybe a dildo or vibrator). I’m not sure if this’ll work for him (as he just doesn’t like sex very much) but sometimes men feel “threatened” by this (lol) and they feel as if they’re not good enough in bed for you, and to save their ego/pride they try to make up for it!
This is just a suggestion!!
God luck with this all, best wishes Stacey xXx
P.S – If you want to stop talking about this with me then just say!!
xXx

Oct 27, 2005, 11:33AM PDT | Respond to this


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